>>/13484/
That's probably true, but I like to think there was a chance to save her. That there was some real glimmer of hope beneath all the pain she went through. I still think I could've if I had never publicly shamed her. She never forgave or respected me the same after those vacation leaks and it still hurts thinking she'd have nightmares over it.
 >>/13485/
I was only giving her RC benzos because she had convinced me she needed them to gain weight (so she wouldn't get locked up again for being too anorexic) and was using them responsibly. 
I logged into a bunch of her accounts when she was in Ireland on vacation (while I was renting near her) and saw she was lying about the weight issue unfortunately. Normally I was only allowed on her accounts when she was online and I couldn't leave anyone on "seen", but I logged in after thinking her Mom deleted her socials and couldn't resist looking through everything and baiting people for info. 
Was going to stop after learning that until she started threatening me (only showed Maimon and S*nny that since I tried to keep my conflicts with her as private as I could) for not continuing to buy her more, and using her Target work money on rent+food+gas instead. So I continued until I stopped renting and moved back.
I never wanted her to be on drugs, and the main concern for me was her opiate use due to her public and private messages to me about Fent+Heroin. I still blame myself for caving in person, I don't think she would've had the guts to threaten me in person. All her meanness was mostly behind a screen and she really was sweet and kind when she tried to be.
Sorry for the rambling messages and not responding sooner, I like to check in because the conspiratard cope she's not dead is actually pretty helpful in dealing with my feelings about all this.