/ashleyj/ - Ashley Jones

 >>/5072/
Dude, you're a trip. Are you a minstrel? Are you the long lost son of one of America's foremost story tellers, Jean Shepherd? 
Speaking of Ashley and showers I'm getting impure thoughts. It's so damn hot where I am that I can only imagine the Ash  and myself in a cool shower as our bodies entwine, she admiring my Adonis type frame and myself admiring her tight and piquant anatomy.
  As for Grenada I'll have to leave that to Clint Eastwood, Gunny Sergeant Highway to you. My exploits in Afghanistan can't hold a candle to his escapades.
  "Rub my weird penis on her" The Ash always said that she preferred it uncut so I'll just leave it to your imagination or better yet you could just ask her.

 >>/5073/
You're right,friend, I couldn't photoshop if mine and Ashley's lives depended on it. There's only so much that can be done with a Window 7, LOL.

 >>/5058/
That light switch is placed pretty high up. Who installed that? A Mexican on drywall stilts? It's supposed to be placed 48 inches from the floor. That's 4 feet according to Google. This light switch is obviously placed a full foot or so higher than it's supposed to be. Considering the average white male is between 5'7" and 6'2". How tall is David Faustino here?

 >>/5058/
https://www.theblaze.com/news/uk-teen-girl-wanted-to-be-male-got-breasts-removed-took-testosterone-now-23-she-says-doctors-should-have-challenged-her-decision--and-is-suing
you'll be sorry

 >>/5074/
oh seabee the eloquent wording of your romantic posts always send a chill up my spine

 >>/5076/
...damn you're right that's pretty short even for Ash, is he/she/it leaning forward or something?

 >>/5077/
i have kind of a fetish for detransitioned chicks. as long as they don't cut their tits off a deep voice is kinda hot. i expect in the future it'll be a whole porn catagory.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=nM0fl7kjSiA

 >>/5081/
Yeah, a deep voice on a girl is kinda sexy but then again I think Ashley's scratchy little voice is kinda hot too.

 >>/5076/
When I renovated my house I moved the light switches 6" off the floor so I could turn the lights on and off with my foot. I had to move them back to 48" because my dumb blonde girlfriend said that she was tired of bending over to turn the lights on and off. I told her it was so the lights could be turned on and off with the foot. Now she says that it hurts her leg to lift it 48" to turn the lights on and off.

 >>/5081/
lol stupid whore ruined her voice

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Barber: Alright, what kind of hair cut do you want? 
Ashton: Just give me the Elliot Page.
Barber: Say no more.

 >>/5087/
that was what came to my mind as well
Ellen has done so much damage setting a bad example for impressionable young women like Ashley

 >>/5303/
she dyed her hair like 4 times in the months after deleting the youtube.
it must've all been because of some boy, that's my new theory.

 >>/5305/
somebody called her beaner and she was like, NOOOO i'm a wee scottish redheaded lass like me mum, ese! then she tried skin bleach and poisoned herself and died.

 >>/5306/
oooh
that does explain why she was gone for so long.

 >>/5084/
You should put all the light switches in the kitchen for her

 >>/5310/
I doubt if she could even find the kitchen.

 >>/5311/
Because you probably have all the lights turned off and she can't find the switches

 >>/5311/
> Seabee and his gf
https://youtube.com/watch?v=OQZYz7qR0Fo

 >>/5306/
She survived, it seems.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=QanJcToqNH0

Ashley, you were once an 11. Now you're a 3 or 4 but I'm willing to overlook this and accept you for who you are now as long as I have regular access to shortbread.

 >>/5314/
if you're gonna be ginger, you gotta have a scottish accent. otherwise you're just an anagram.

 >>/5312/
Yeah, I was thinking of installing The Clapper in every room so all she would have to do is clap once to turn on the lights and clap again to turn the lights off but she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer and knowing her she'd screw it up by losing count. 
 So I asked her if she would be amenable to an Alexa device so all she has to do is say,"Alexa, turn on lights." So the first thing she asked me what amenable means. After I explained what amenable meant she stated that Alexa wouldn't work for her because her mom always told her to never speak to strangers.

 >>/5319/
the first part was funny

 >>/5317/
> otherwise you're just an anagram
or a nag a ram

 >>/5322/
he meant nigger I think

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it was a troll right? she ain't never coming back. oh well, let's do more nostalgia fagging

 >>/6327/
I told you so.

 >>/6328/
 >>/6327/
Is there any point going to the "new" Ashley board as opposed to this board since the general consensus seems to be that a lot of us were pranked by the "new" board?" 

https://youtube.com/watch?v=z-nfbDXTiHg

 >>/6336/
you could go talk about trans rights to annoy him.  it wouldn't really though, like everything else he pretends to be passionate about, he doesn't really care and is just putting on a show hoping to evoke a particular reaction.

I typically don't mind trannies on a person to person basis, and regardless of activism, I think public bathrooms should be single occupant with a lock on the door. I've had too many fags trying to proposition me, and I just don't like shitting next to other people in general. They should stay out of sports, though. And everyone who participates in drag queen story hour should be taken out in the street and ****, even the kids.

 >>/6397/
Tell me about the fags that proposition you. I've been hit on by butch dykes. Had one follow me into the men's room at Wal-Mart and put her arms around me while I was pissing in the urinal. I also had a butch dyke roommate fall for me and she started drinking because I wouldn't date her. She would cry and exclaim no one loves her. She would come to my bedroom door at night and beg me to have sex while she was drunk. We had to kick her out because she pissed all over the apartment to get back at me while I had guests over. She moved in with a ftm trans when she left. I don't mind the lipstick lesbians as much but they are usually psychotic. I had a crush on a real pretty one but she turned out be batshit insane like those moms that force their kids to transition. My stalker claims she was a lesbian but now she claims she is bi and started dating a Jewish guy when I kept ignoring her, not even joking. We were coworkers. She's mixed and I have no interest in dating Meghan Markle. I've had gay coworkers crush on me and a bi friend make me uncomfortable a few times by giving me bedroom eyes. He wasn't bi until he went to college. I don't know how I feel about it? It doesn't seem to bother his wife. I don't fear faggots. I just don't want to associate with them because they are disgusting. Whether it be on the inside or the outside. The memes are real. I used to refurbish electronics and resell them on eBay. Most phones you repair still have the previous owners data on them. I was snooping on this one phone and it had a lot of pics of the previous owner on it. He just looked like an average joe. Lots of pics with family and friends but then I found some selfies he had took in the mirror and it just got worse from there. He had pics of himself sucking lots of other guys off and eating ass clearly in public restrooms. You could even make out the work uniforms of some of the other guys. Taco Bell was one. There was video as well. This guy recorded himself eating shit from some guys asshole in a public restroom. He was sexting both men and women but there were no nudes of women on that phone. Imagine being one of the women he fucked. You made out with a guy who eats shit. I'm sure there is solace in knowing HIV could show up in the next several years.

 >>/6399/
too long.  write it again in 2 sentences or less.

 >>/6400/
Ur g ay

BOTTOM TEXT

 >>/6399/

I know this was a shitpost, but since things are dead around here I might as well hazard a somewhat humorous story. When I was fifteen I had to take a piss at Walmart. I hate using public bathrooms, but at the time this particular Walmart was still pretty clean. It was at night and I was there with some friends mostly hanging out because we were lame and had nothing better to do. I started toward the doorway and this 20-something dude just standing there darted inside. When I got in the stall door was wide open and he was on the toilet. I went to the urinal and he started loudly moaning and sort of muttering under his breath. Being the naive retard that I am my first thought was, "Poor guy, he must have some sort of bowel problem." I was genuinely worried whether I should seek help for him. I found out later that was a standard come-on and Walmart at night was a big cruising spot. Pretty much consistently after that some dude would wag his dick at me hoping I'd blow him. Again, being an autist, I would be like, "No, thanks."

 >>/6414/
Listen man, that is totally not meant to be a shitpost. It may seem like one because I often post them, but that is the truth. I've seen things, man, and some stuff.

 >>/6414/
https://youtube.com/watch?v=OZeHq7J9aHM

 >>/6414/
that was a great read and an entertaining story.  finally, a post worth reading on this board.

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 >>/6414/
So you're saying you'd blow him if you weren't an autist? Why are you faggots like this? Show some restraint. If some rando female walked into a room with me and started diddling herself and moaning, I'm not going to join in. You don't know anything about these people? It could just be my mysophobia but that's fucking gross. How do you know it's not the parasites inside them trying to find another host? 

My sister-in-law died from infections brought on by her HIV. It wasn't pretty. She got AIDS from the nigger she left my brother for. Don't believe all the blissful drug commercials. HIV is horrible to live with and you will not have a normal fucking life at all. She was on all the drugs. They only allowed her to live for another ten years and she was always sick and in pain. Constant pneumonia. She was afraid to take showers or get caught in the rain and no swimming. The only enjoyment she got was making sure her kids were prepared for adulthood because she knew she wouldn't be there for them much longer. I know some people live longer with the disease like Magic Johnson, but most actually don't. Bug chasers and giftgivers deserve the oven.

STDs are one of the main reasons why I didn't persue my career in law enforcement any further. I'd be well on my way to becoming a detective if I did. Besides just being exhausted with baby sitting niggers and being a marriage counselor to white trash, I didn't want to risk catching a disease from one of those ghouls that try to spit in your face or get their infected blood on you or stab you with an infected drug needle. I have mad respect for police for dealing with those people because if it were up to me, I'd just shoot them and leave them for the carrion birds. 

All you degenerate faggots are obsessed with sex. Sex is only supposed to be shared with someone you love or else it doesn't mean anything. Casual sex will leave an empty void inside you and become little more than an addiction. My thoughts on this aren't based on my religion. I don't need God to tell me not to go fuck some disease-ridden faggot in the men's room at Wal-mart. I saw two soldiers making out in the men's clothing section at Wal-mart many years ago and it was one of the most disgusting things I had ever seen up to that point in my life. The clothing section at Wal-mart is an interesting place. It has no cameras watching it so it's where most of the shoplifting takes place. I know this because I worked loss prevention. Wetbacks would come in all the time and dress themselves in work clothes and just walk out without paying for it. Niggers like to go there to remove discs from their cases. Degenerates like to meet up to fuck there.

 >>/6420/
you probably get hookers on the regular.  you have them pose for your fake Ashley pictures.
I 100% believe you were or tried to become a cop though, you have just the right personality for it.

 >>/6422/
It wasn't that I didn't try. I simply changed my mind. There were a lot of officers gunned down around this time where I live and twelve hour rotating shifts with never ending paperwork for every little incident just for the same pay a forklift operator brings home aren't worth all the shit you have to deal with on a daily basis. It's like dealing with bad customers all day everyday. You wake up and just know you're going to have to deal with someone later on who is going to ruin your entire fucking day and when someone actually needs help, you're just so bunrt out, you don't care enough. Always come home with bruises and scratches. If I'm going to take a punch in the face for money, it will be in the octagon, not outside an IHOP when the clubs let out. Police deserve to be paid more in my opinion. Departments should quit buying gear for milsim retards to larp in and just pay their officers better to improve the quality of their employees. The juice is not worth the squeeze. Nah, I've never been with a lady of the night. I've never been with any woman actually. I've had the opportunity many times, I've just never taken it. I'm not embarrassed about it at all. It's fucking sad some men measure another man's worth by whether or not he's fucked. My dad called me gay once in a fight because I wouldn't fuck some whore. Abstinence used to be a common virtue and only lesser men fucked whores. I did have an embarassing moment at a party once where I walked in right on the next turn of Never Have I Ever and it was sex themed. I didn't make it out without everyone finding out I was a virgin. Lots of laughs but afterward, some of the girls started talking to me and asking my friend about me. I wasn't interested. I don't like sluts because my mom and dad got divorced when I was a kid and I would always have a new stepmom of the week waiting for me at my dad's house on weekends and they were always degenerate drug users who would invite their other whore friends over to prep themselves in our bathroom for a night of streetwalking. This is how my stepmoms made a few extra bucks by charging them rent. I actually come from a prestigious family, though. My great uncle was the vice president of the United States. Generation X and Y just had some problems. My dad is basically Hunter Biden although personality wise, he is Randy Marsh from Southpark. He died in 2019. He pushed me out of his life a few years before he died because he was making detrimental health decisions and wouldn't let me take care of him. I believe the woman he was with when he died killed him. I remember the last time I saw him alive, he was covered in all bandages and begged me to stay with him but I left. and I regret it because he died soon afterward. I didn't go to his funeral because I just couldn't. Neither did my brother. My uncle was the only one there. Btw, the person that tried to kill me was my own little brother. I just didn't want to talk about then. He said he hated me because everyone loved me and not him. He's in prison now. Feels.

By the time I'm done posting here, no one will have to doxx me, lol

 >>/6423/
didn't you say you had sex before and your foreskin was never a problem?

> He said he hated me because everyone loved me and not him
yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what he said

 >>/6424/
No? And yes, he did actually say that. I don't know what he exactly meant by it but he has made very poor decisions in his life that forced my family to essentially disown him and when I've tried to help him, he called me a bully and got violent with me. He pretty much pushed away the only person left who actually cares for him. My mother is afraid to be alone with him and moved to another state so he couldn't easily just drop by. I can't have him stay with me anymore. He's clearly become psychotic and violent. I've seen too many fucked up videos on liveleaks of people killing their own family members to risjk that shit. He told me that he killed someone and I was next. It's been investigated further by police based on the information in my statement and they did happen to find a body which was identified as one of his friends on facebook and he was involved in a shootout with police a town over but he fled the scene. It's all really fucked up. The whole altercation started when he showed up at my place in the middle of the night with a bag and a flashlight. I believe he was there to burglarize my home which he has probably done before and since I never caught him in the act till that evening, we just thought it was burglars. He stayed for a few nights because he was all fucked up. Looked like he had survived a car crash but he wouldn't let me take him to the hospital because he was wanted and I wasn't aware of that at the time. Then one evening he thought I was actually going to call the police on him so he held me hostage and then tried to overpower me saying he was going to kill me and then himself but I'm actually far stronger than him so he rabbit punched me but caught me in the face instead and blood went everywhere. That's when I decided to flee because I had no idea how injured I was. I was bleeding profusely and he went to grab a lighter and starter fluid saying I got something for your ass right here and he was going to set me on fire. The police called an ambulance for me and told me I had to go with them because I needed stitches. Side of my mouth was split like Joker in The Dark Knight. The altercation we had a few years ago, he hit me repeatedly in the face well over 10 times, I was told by my roommate before he lost count, for literally no reason at all? He just got off the couch and attacked me. Same situation here. He was sitting on the couch and got up and attacked me while I was on my laptop wearing headphones. I think he suffers from paranoid schizophrenia brought on by his excessive drug use because he was never like this until a few years ago and he's been hitting the meth pretty hard for the past several years. It's really sad because I remember how he was when he was little. My grandfather once said, "Your children grow up just to break your heart." I don't know what it's like to have kids yet, but that hit me in the feels and I remember it still to this day.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=BQIydFoDXo0

https://youtube.com/watch?v=rrg2AsP3Mpc

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the fuck happened to this thread

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 >>/6414/
I've heard walmart bathrooms are a common venue for toe-tapping.  or at least they were before stuff like grindr.  I got one just a year ago, I think.  it's possible it was just a fucking weirdo but I think it was probably a fag.  I was going to this local rec center with my friend over the summer last year, we would work out and then go swim in the pool there.  when we went into the locker room there was this kid (like 16 or 17) in there just sitting on a bench with his towel, on his phone or something.  we go out to the pool, we're there for like 20 or 30 minutes, we come back, the kid is still there.  we go into the showers, they're open showers, no barriers or curtains or anything.  the kid follows us in.  my friend and I are both sissies who leave our swimsuits on in the showers, fortunately in this case, cause the kid is in there next to us, eying us up and down, and he's notably standing with his arms behind his back, protruding his pelvis, and at half-mast at least.  I have a feeling that was neither his first nor last shower that day.