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I was never into gore or desired to kill anyone. The nightmares of bad things happening to me and me doing bad things to others (not always violent acts, btw) is contributed to some form of mild PTSD as well severe alcohol withdrawals whenever I try to quite drinking the hard stuff. Otherwise I don't dream much at all when I normally drink.

Paranoid? I'd like to say I'm very skeptical and distrustful. Unlike so many of those walking in ignorant bliss these days, I am very much aware of the corruption and despotism in this world today. I am well aware there are just bad fucking people running our major media, our governments, most the institutions, the educational system (which has become a total racket), et al. I am aware of the fiscal insolvency we are being shackled to, and what kinds of horrific consequences we will witness from it (and many are now today). I know things will get a whole lot worse and there is nothing we can do to stop it, we have already passed the event horizon of systemic collapse. If being able to study trends and identify severe problems is "mania" then I stand proud of being able to because it has gotten me more prepared for some very ugly outcomes when all is said and done. None of it I wish for, but all of it I am hell-bent ready to address in worst case scenarios: for myself, family and private property, hell or high water.