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>  but there’s just no way for an adult to watch this episode and see Dash and Gilda’s friendship as platonic

 I absolutely must disagree. This is the first I've heard there was an "official pairing" and it feels pretty forced tbh.

This, from someone who immediately interpreted Discord & Celestia to be ex-lovers of some variety.

I started to watch it - was immediately struck by the Pepe LePew bounce as PP chased RD down.

Have an AI attempt at making ponies into ogres & oubliettes PCs.
Badly, as usual.