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Essayposter? Did something happen? Not sure if this is you or not.

 >>/115005/
Ah. I sympathize. I assume you're not essayposter? I'm sorry man. Grief makes everything feel like it's crumbling. You will never be able to replace your mom's presence in your life but you will one day be able to breathe again without wanting to scream even if that sounds like an impossibility. Your mother loved you, and I think that alone proves that women can love men, even if she wasn't a lover and even if lovers can't be a mother to you. There is love in this world. I'm sorry you're struggling more than usual. I wish I could say something more to assuage these things you're experiencing but it's a natural thing and at least you're not repressing.