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The Social Security Administration holds a national Death Master File so the IRS doesn't tax dead people and ballots don't get mailed to corpses, any PI or local government has access to said file. I think even corpo credit rating services like LexisNexis have it. I'm definitely leaning towards dead, BPD chicks can't act off the grid for that long.
Sorry about your friend btw, had a similar experience with being unable to get proof of death due to "privacy concerns".