Iris, you are not a bad person. What these people say about you is from skewered lenses because they hate you and you continue to force yourself into these spaces, trying to defy their rules and getting mad when they don’t follow your rules. This does not make you a bad person, but you need to disengage from these spaces. It is doing you no good in any capacity and you’re only going to harm your wellbeing further by continuing to post and try to gather attention here. 
My recommendation: Close endchan. Never open it again. Don’t even think about it.