hi guys sorry for not posting much i feel like shit i wanna do drugs i cant take myself i hate myself i cant deal with my brain and its worse when sober 
the shady doctor that used to sell oxys is back but i got no money and someone told me he only prescribes one a day and its still heckin expensivino so i yeah 
i want to cut myself but its hot and i dont want people to see it i just want to bash my head on a wall over and over and i wish someone would just end my misery 

i tied my martinka today i know its late baba marta pls forgib i was in le hopitel ay the end of march and i didnt see that bird (idk the english of it) but i still wanted to tie it because march wnded. i wished to die...

if i dont love myself, how can anyone love me? how can i love anyone?
i will never form the relationship i dream of... because even if i find the man of my dreams ill probably do some shit to weird him out or piss him off or just distance myself from him because i am feeling emotions. i hate my emotions. they are all so extreme and makes me think about stuff that maybe i wouldnt have if i was allistic. i just want to have a calm brain and form one thought at a time. i dont want to be tired all the time. i want ketamine. i want acid.