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That had to do with a fear of her parents because they were some hardline baptists or some shit, but her mom died and her dads busy contracting syphilis.
>  >Which leads me to believe she was conflicted as to how to reconcile her actions with her fake beliefs.

She was conflicted one time on whether to convert to slavophile christianity or romanophile christianity. not based on any theological disagreements but which one looked better.