>>/852489/
Monk you burnt your bridges with your mom. Thats thats not going be ever. (i know)
You were a shit vol / BO (and oissed me off)
If i have advice for you is as bad as you feel you havent event come close to hitting rock bottom.

Get blinfd Drunk, Steal a car, Rob a pharmacy, Steal some random JEETs iphone just for fun.

Then and only then will a medical professional listen to you seriously and give you inpatient help and some non shit medication. 

Pro:tip try and break a bone and get some paon meds. You are welcome,