>>/939824/
I'm really glad you are not dead. I hope you prevail in your survival challenge, It sound pretty dire, but then it wouldn't be much of a survival challenge if there was no threat to your life. 

I think if you make it through to a stable state then you will be in a place that is higher than where you were before, maybe in some unexpected way. Like a transaction rather than a dead loss. Just be chill and get thru one day at a time.