• Jake "The Jenk" Roller (originally named The Forbidden Jar), who is the leader and main underaged victim of the team. He likes to piss in closets all the time, seemingly for no reason. He was once innocent to an unknown world, now living in unfathomable horror.

• Poopcat, a feral stray cat that  somewhat mysteriously vanished from the neighbor's yard. Is always in panic for surprise enemas, soiled pamps and so. Mostly acts neurotic, sobs in private.

• Kiddie God (real name smeared on the living room carpet), who is classified as fluid category 5, the highest risk level for cross-contamination of the team.