>>> bb/88264@83345
Reeling in after 2 months
A week after this post, I begged for a vacation at work, citing health and other shit (in general, I didn’t even quit) because I realized that it became quite anrial to work – without amph, I sleep stupidly for 20 hours, with it I do everything except work.
They let me fuck in May.
The first week dull skinpool sleep - literally, woke up after 15+ hours of sleep, ate some quickly prepared food such as fried potatoes or buckwheat, leafed for two hours and fell asleep again for 15+ hours. One day I woke up with the thought that I finally got enough sleep, looked at the calendar and realized that the week minus is already May 8. There was no sadness because for the first time since the start of my 1.5 year marathon, I felt really rested and, most importantly, healthy. Nothing hurts anymore, it doesn't knock at the temples, it's finally not in the fucking sores.
The next three weeks mixed different activities under the amph, but again returned to doses of 40-60mg and this time not evri dei, but in mood. Then a day later, he could all weekdays sober, and on Friday with an increase in the dose to 120 and socio-malicious with all sorts of concerti-bars, then 3 nights in a row again in the marathon without sleep (although by the beginning of 4 nights, the organizer knocked me out himself, because all I remember is how I went to the kitchen to drink tea, and found myself sleeping the next morning on the sofa in this kitchen). I can’t remember how I went to bed, but I didn’t have time to put the kettle. That's how people must be fucking burned.
He also failed, not for work, but for his own small projects.
God damn it, I forgot how nice it is to program, when it is necessary for yourself, not for work and no one beats you with deadlines, there is no code of styles and in general for any problem you can score with the phrase "fuck it, I do it for myself, the main thing that works" - it's just fucking happy. At that point, I realized that my high-dose sketches and my amph problems were all because I was afraid to fuck around at work. I can still code under the amph without any problems, changing the staff has nothing to do with this.
By the way, check the old staff and did not work out - the seller apparently fucked out of the city, because he still has two positions in the fuck in the forest belt and everything, although previously the positions were constantly updated in the city, a couple of times took in the next yard, lol.
As a result, by May 29, in the last week he let go felt like he had come out of a lingering depression - everything is fucked up, everything works out, staff pret, toller does not fuck, and there is still a direct wild bull craving as happened at least a couple of times a month earlier. The last week I was quietly reading working chats and assessing how much I fucked and how much I would have to work.
June worked at all without problems, there was no crunch before the deadline, although the night ampho codings still remained: all day I did not smell telling myself that "Yes, I will do a job without a staff, we need to sit down" > As a result, I procrastinated all day and spent generally on complete crap > at 9 pm with a frog I pour a path to finally sit down to work > for the night I close the entire volume for the last day and even for the next day, so that the next day it was already possible just to clean the house in the retreat stupidly instead of going to sleep in the evening.
So happy end, I'm back in the ranks and even better than I was - I don't learn every day.
Yeah, it's still a junkie and you have to slap it off, but first you have to somehow teach your brain that if it fucked up and didn't fucking do it, okay, and you don't have to try to close all the debts of your life in one night. Often, there is really no big problem if I closed later, after 2-3 days, but the body without going to the marathon calmly regenerates itself, reducing the consequences of one-time use to a minimum (at least according to the feeling that after a marathon without dreams it really seems that every cell wants to die the fuck, and a new track saves a maximum of 2-3 hours from this).
Well, as usual, I wrote all this under the amph, but already on the descents, so now I will go to play the console and go to sleep peacefully. Good day, everyone.