>>/32238/
AMENDMENT TO PART 1:
I forgot to say that I didn't mess with ANY social media while in Japan.
I just wanted to study.
Also, I forgot to say that in Japan, I had a couple dreams with bonbi's face in it.
(yeah, I'm probably mentally on the edge, but hey it's a face worth remembering, right?)
And I had a dream where I heard her voice (although she hadn't ever livestreamed before).
I specifically remembered '[Roxy Lalonde] (these words)' so well, I was able to sketch a decent portrait.
(I left it at the apartment, hoping someone else could enjoy it too. IDK what I was thinking.)
- - - PART 2 - SLOW DESCENT INTO MADNESS - - -
If I remember correctly, I rediscovered her account (almost forgot the name) when she started posting the '[Roxy Lalonde] (make fun of)' set.
Watching her in that Roxy cosplay after a year social and entertainment deprivation was largest spike in dopamine I had had in years.
That's still probably my favorite cosplay she ever did. No wonder people on here dedicate multiple threads to it.
I only ever caught one of her livestreams live, but I watched all of the old ones that were recorded by some saint.
I don't have time to figure out which one it was (Ariel maybe?), but I made my first and final public comment for bonbi to see.
She was talking about messing up building her PC, and I guessed she messed up the thermal paste, which she responded with affirmation.
And I was satisfied with that. I never tried to interact with her ever again.
But I kept watching her videos and lurking around bbg.
During this whole time, I should have said that I never watched anyone's TikToks except bonbi's.
Most Musical.ly/TikTok content is and always has been the literal worst content on the internet.
To minimize the amount of B.S. the TikTok app pushes on users, I just used desktop and downloaded the videos I liked.
(IDK if the guy who started the shell script for downloading her videos is still around, but I was there, offering revisions to it.)
When emiru was able to get in touch with bonbi, I started watching her stuff too, then I branched out watching LOTS of similar e-girls.
(WARNING: do NOT follow in this example.)
I fell into the TT hole and it took me a long time to claw my way out. It was a very interesting experience to look back on.
Basically, after watching lots of this shit, I noticed the patterns and tropes and analyzed the character of these e-girls.
You could call it "developing taste". I realized I would hate most of these people IRL, but their self portrayals made them more bearable.
I hate liars too, so I labeled these cute e-girls presenting a false ideal as liars and dropped them.
On top of that, I started to narrow down my own ideals, to something very specific, which was counter to what these people were portraying.
One by one, I kept dropping all these fake or annoying people from my attention. The second to last one was emiru herself.
Emiru's cool and all, but I realized I just don't care about her the same way I cared about bonbi.
With only one more, I almost felt like I could escape my history of caring for bonbi.
But it turns out, if you think about a person regularly enough for multiple years, they become part of you.
The current bonbi is almost nothing like the old, original bonbi. I don't think that much is hard to argue.
I held on, but sometime after her '[Haru] (salty face)' cosplay... I knew I couldn't keep up. It was over.
I can't figure out if now she's just lost her part of her personality or if she's just hiding it to fit in with her Twitch friends.
(She did say once that she hated the person she used to be.)
She's too lazy. There's no reason for her to try anymore. To her, she's already "succeeded" or "escaped".
So now, I have this strong feeling to just delete my archive. I feel there's not much more I can learn from this history.
(continued in part 3?)