I wish I could come home from work after laboring my shitty blue collar job and just abuse the shit out of Bonbi.
I'd come home, tired, dirty, and recently shitted on by my boss, and she'd come to me at the door and greet me and ask me how my day was...I'd say "shitty as usual, what'd you do all day? Lay around doing nothing but eating 5 Lays™ potato chips and drinking a bottle of Coca Cola®?".
She'd be visible hurt by that comment, and she'd know she would be in for a sadistic diatribe because I've done it many times before.
"I-I cleaned the house today...and I-I made you a sandwich t-to eat".
"Wowwww, a sandwich, I truly live like a king! You know guys at work have wives that actually put in effort for their husbands? You know, cook them actual meals.... like chicken parm or fettuccine alfredo--you lazy fucken bitch.”
“Y-you know I’m not that good at cooking...” she’d say.
“Yeah I know, I married you for your pretty face, but that’s fading fast. I’m so fucken stupid, thinkin with my dick instead of my head”
She’d welp and quickly cry hot tears at such a vulgar utterance and stampede upstairs to cry in the master bedroom.
I’d yell up the stairs: “Oh come on! Stop being so sensitive! I had a shitty day...come on!..Come on! Christ sake! FUCK! CAN'T I EVER COME HOME TO SOMETHING NICE?!”.
Then I’d crack open a beer and eat her shitty pickle filled sandwich in self-satisfaction and shaking my head side to side “such a stupid fucken bitch” I’d mutter loudly so she'd hear.