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Despite the picture the media paints for us soldiers aren't capable of casually slaughtering masses of men without remorse or psychological impact on themselves. William Manchester, author and U.S. Marine veteran of World War II, felt remorse and shame after his close-range personal killing of a Japanese soldier. "I can remember," he wrote, "whispering foolishly, 'I'm sorry' and then just throwing up . . . I threw up all over myself. It was a betrayal of what I'd been taught since a child." Other combat veterans tell of the emotional responses associated with a close-range kill that echo Manchester's horror. "Killing is the wont thing that one man can do to another man . . . it's the last thing that should happen anywhere." - Israeli lieutenant "I reproached myself as a destroyer. An indescribable uneasiness came over me, I felt almost like a criminal." - Napoleonic-era British soldier "This was the first time I had killed anybody and when things quieted down I went and looked at a German I knew I had shot. I remember thinking that he looked old enough to have a family and I felt very sorry." - British World War I veteran after his first kill "It didn't hit me all that much then, but when I think of it now — I slaughtered those people. I murdered them." - German World War II veteran "And I froze, 'cos it was a boy, I would say between the ages of twelve and fourteen. When he turned at me and looked, all of a sudden he turned his whole body and pointed his automatic weapon at me, I just opened up, fired the whole twenty rounds right at the kid, and he just laid there. I dropped my weapon and cried." - U.S. Special Forces officer and Vietnam veteran "I fired again and somehow got him in the head. There was so much blood . . . I vomited, until the rest of the boys came up." - Israeli Six-Day War veteran "So this new Peugeot comes towards us, and we shoot. And there was a family there — three children. And I cried, but I couldn't take the chance. . . . Children, father, mother. All the family was killed, but we couldn't take the chance." - Israeli Lebanon Incursion veteran