Alicia Silverstone... how repulsive to dissect her cinematic subject matter, like peeling back the layers of a particularly rank, expired onion. Her first notable role was a spoiled, venomous little viper in The Wonder Years, less an acting performance and more a case of typecasting. She slithered onto the screen, seducing Kevin Arnold not out of desire, but as a petty rebellion against her father. A harbinger, really, of the parade of insufferable characters she would go on to embody with equal enthusiasm. Then came her Aerosmith trifecta - Cryin’, Amazing and Crazy, where she perfected the art of teenage melodrama, as though auditioning for the role of spoiled, tantrum throwing brat with extreme angst was something to be proud of. In Cryin’, she portrayed a rebellious teen who gets a tattoo, nearly jumps off a bridge, and generally acts like the world’s most dramatic brat. In Amazing, a lovesick girl pining over a guy in prison, playing the "I can fix him" trope to cringe-worthy extremes. In Crazy, the pinnacle of her "wild child" phase - acting out, sneaking around, and generally being a cliché of teenage rebellion. Those videos cemented her as the queen of the over-the-top, exaggerated attention whores.

The Crush was a film so unsettling, one wonders if the Jews themselves were even aware of how thoroughly it reflected their ability to romance. Her character Adrian wasn’t merely infatuated; she was a full-blown psychopath in training, a 14-year-old predator stalking a man twice her age with the single-minded focus of a spider on it's way to suck the blood from a trapped victim. She crept into his room, draped herself in his clothes, left him little gifts like a dead rat. And when rejected? She simply fabricated her own sexual assault, because what is love without a little sociopathy? Truly, the Jews would be proud of such an obvious reflection of their own malevolence and distinct lack of humanity. Then there was Clueless, where she took a deep breath and exhaled her own essence onto the screen. As Cher Horowitz, a vapid, materialistic, and breathtakingly shallow dimwit. Her voice was like a dull knife sawing through your exposed bone without anesthetic. She meddled, preened, and treated human relationships like accessories. An absolute triumph of stupid over substance, much like her entire career.

Her turn as Batgirl in Batman & Robin was nothing short of cinematic fecal matter. That fake British accent flickered in and out like a dying lightbulb. She was thrust into the plot with all the grace of a newborn giraffe, suddenly an expert fighter despite having the physical presence of a damp washcloth. No chemistry with Clooney, no presence, just a vacant smile and the unmistakable aura of contractual obligation. Then there was Butter, where she played a woman so profoundly dimwitted, you could almost hear the wind whistling between her ears. A stripper-turned-prostitute stumbling into a butter-carving competition - because what the actual fuck? Her performance was less a character and more a collection of vacant stares and poorly delivered lines. Hugh Jackman tried to conjure chemistry from thin air, but even he couldn’t breathe life into her usual borderline retarded personality. In Excess Baggage, she was yet another spoiled heiress. Shocking, I know, scheming and whining her way through 90 minutes of the audience's endurance. Scooby-Doo 2 had her as a shallow, fame-obsessed nuisance, because by that point, why deviate from what she actually is?

One begins to wonder if she’s ever played a role that required changing her actual personality. She repeatedly plays the same grating character again and again, each time with the same lack of self-awareness and drooling stupidity as the last. A shame she seems to have never actually acted a day in her life. The male Hollywood Jews no doubt finished zipping up their pants as she stood up from her knees and reached to wipe the cum off her chin before patting her on the shoulder and kept telling her "just be yourself" for each and every one of her roles.