Alison Brie. This Jewess must have really wanted Legos as a kid instead of dreidels. She was in The Lego Movie, The Lego Movie 4D: A New Adventure, Emmet's Holiday Party: A Lego Movie Short, The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part as Unikitty, a grotesque hybrid of a unicorn and a kitten, designed to be aggressively "random" with her squeaky, helium-infused voice and a typical Jewish bipolar personality that was either extremely annoying cheerfulness or unhinged rage. Forced wackiness, zero comedic timing, and an obnoxiousness that makes every second of her screen time feel like breaking your arm open and then rubbing the exposed bone back and forth across a chalkboard. In each Lego movie, Unikitty returns, somehow even more insufferable than before while Brie’s voice acting reaches new heights of shrillness, as if she’s actively trying to shatter glass.

Her every role reads like a catalog of Jewish failings. From Dickie Smalls' fame-hungry Tina to Born's emotionally catatonic Charlotte, Brie demonstrates a remarkable range, if by "range" one means varying shades of insufferable twat. Salvation Texas' Liz is the platitude-spouting hypocrite we all avoid at family gatherings, while Parasomnia's Laura redefines "damsel in distress" as "comatose mannequin occasionally startled by its own existence." The Coverup proves she can make journalism even duller with a bland, unconvincing and flat, disinterested tone while Buddy 'n' Andy showcased her special talent for being helium-voiced and irritating. Us One Night allowed her to monologue pretentiously about love, because nothing says "depth" like a self-absorbed Jewess drifting through scenes with an air of smug enlightenment, as if she’s the only one who gets it while the audience hopes she would shut the hell up. The Home Front's Sally demonstrated her remarkable ability to drain all emotion from military sacrifice as you would watch on and hope against all odds that she becomes a human sacrifice. In Bad Dog as Liz, she perfected the art of the shrill, nagging girlfriend archetype cranked up to eleven with her sole personality trait being a buzzkill. She rolls her eyes, barks passive-aggressively and generally behaves like typical Jewish excrement.

Brie's other roles followed this proud tradition of being fucking annoying. In Raspberry Magic, her Sarah is a "free spirit" who dispenses "wisdom" like a malfunctioning coin-slotted circus fortune-telling machine.  In Scream 4 as Rebecca Walters, she plays a smarmy, self-important TV producer sneering at Sidney Prescott before becoming Ghostface fodder. Her death scene feels like a mercy killing. In Save the Date, her Beth is a commitment-phobic mess who treats her love life like a game of emotional Russian roulette. She flip-flops between men with all the grace of a street hooker, expecting the audience to root for her immature decisions. The Five-Year Engagement allowed her to be the loud, "quirky" sister that makes family reunions unbearable; and The Kings of Summer as Heather, she once again is a forgettable nothing character in a nothing film. Bland, unenergetic and boringly inconsequential. In Freelance as Claire Wellington, she's a corporate lawyer whose attempts at assertiveness are as convincing as a toddler playing lawyer with a Fisher-Price briefcase. The film tries to sell her as a fish-out-of-water badass, but Brie’s performance it’s more like a fish-out-of-water and already dead; and Macy's Holiday Gift Guide? Nothing says "artistic integrity" like shilling overpriced crap with the enthusiasm of Capitalism's hollow pageantry reflected in her dead-eyes. Every exaggerated expression, every stilted line reading, it's like watching a clown slowly realize the children (the audience) never gave a shit about her dull performances and she has wasted her life in the same attempt as every Jewess makes - with desperate attempts at seeming human.