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Amanda Bynes, what a metamorphosis. She serves as a cautionary tale against the perils of being lured in and settling with the Jews, those typical deceivers who inevitably degenerate into repulsive, neckless Orcs. Observe how her once-sharp, anime-esque jawline has collapsed, as if punctured by twin needles, leaving behind the sagging remnants of what were once defined contours. Freed from the oppressive glare of Hollywood’s spotlight, she has embraced her true essence. Bebop from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Her origins trace back to the Laugh Factory at the annoying age of ten, though "laugh" is too generous a term. Even then, her attempts at humanity were strained, her comedy a brittle facade propped up by an audience dutifully chuckling at jokes about her admission to being the daughter of the Devil and nasal pimples. Her stint on Blue’s Clues merely cemented her persona: the hyper-caffeinated, shrieking irritant that would define her career. Scrubs? Who knows. A one-off role so forgettable, nobody archived it on the internet, and people will upload anything. I might remember that her character was hit by a car. Amusing considering she crashed her car with a suspended license when her career was over in 2012.
Our Past, Our Present, Our Future offered yet another shrill, insufferable child, while Don’t Forget About Me saw her essentially playing herself - a petulant heiress whose every scene was an assault on the senses. The Drew Carey Show, that wheezing relic of sitcom history, welcomed her grating presence with open arms, as if Drew Carey, a man whose comedic zenith coincided with his perpetual state of bald, sweaty decline, recognized a kindred spirit.
All That and The Amanda Show were the cringe factories where her most intolerable qualities were synthesized: characters dialed to eleven, a voice like nails on a chalkboard, and sketches that mistook chaos for wit. Even in animation, as Rugrats’ Taffy, she managed to inject her signature brand of nasal entitlement. Big Fat Liar was less a performance and more a premonition, a manipulative teen blackmailing her way to victory, a harbinger of her later unraveling. Voicing Nellie the Pig in Charlotte’s Web 2, she proved she was truly talented, at predicting exactly what she would grow up to become. A ditzy, self-absorbed airheaded pig. What a Girl Wants gave us a Jewish brat loose in London. While in Robots, Amanda was the younger sister of the protagonist Rodney Copperbottom. She’s supposed to be the "adorable, spunky" kid sister, but Bynes's voice acting turns her into a shrieking, hyperactive gremlin who made the audience wish robots had a mute function. No wonder people hate AI. As Holly Tyler in What I Like About You she portrayed a chaotic, selfish disaster of a sister whose idea of "comedy" was screaming, falling over, and making faces like she sniffed her own stench. A two-season character stretched into four agonizing years of 2002 through 2006. Lovewrecked was a fitting allegory for her career, a delusional narcissist stranded in the center of her own universe.
She’s the Man featured her unconvincing attempt at tomboyishness, a performance that, like trans biological girls who want to be boys, badly misunderstands how to be male. Hairspray’s Penny Pingleton was a shrieking disaster. Sydney White was a bland, shitty rip-off of Snow White that nobody asked for. Disney must have never noticed that mistake when they too came up with the same formula. In Family Guy, she voiced Anna with all the emotional depth of a mannequin. As Jamie McGrath in Living Proof, it seems Amanda suddenly remembered to portray all the convincing emotions of a lifeless robot. Easy A however, allowed her to indulge in the Jews' favorite pastime: the merciless mockery of Christians. Her portrayal of Marianna, a gluttonous, sanctimonious caricature, suggesting she had consumed an entire congregation in preparation much like Amy Schumer’s daily dietary regimen.
She made her career the same as a Jew’s promise that dazzles before decaying. Deceived as gold, delivered as rust.