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The thing is though you fail to realise that if you were truly weak, if you were truly worth nothing and that you were a failure then such a thing would not affect you. Consider, how many worthless fools and cowards just coast through life, how many just idle by, never achieving, never doing anything of worth no matter how small. These small people, these drones, they have no realisation concerning greater goals or greater ideals where as by your post demonstrate you do have this understanding. This already elevates you above most, their simpler spirits being content with merely existing comfortably. You have awareness thusly you are troubled. What you must realise however is that all troubles are transitory. Oh, indeed by grim happenstance our own worlds can begin collapsing in the blink of an eye, the death of a loved one, a betrayal by one you hold dear, a financial debt you didn't even know you had accrued. This in the best of times would be a burden but with the backdrop of gloaming shadows we live in now that same burden becomes far heavier. Where once you would of merely had to strain your back now by the sheer force of events it pins you to the floor, your body near paralysis as you grasp in the dirt trying to find something to pull yourself forward with. The key to rising once more is two fold. One, you must lighten your burden. Your analytical approach is quite correct but your best bet is to start small. Look at the lightest weight you have, the lightest burden and solve it first as in most circumstances they are the quickest. Even if it is tangled within other burdens lift it anyway and proceed to the best of your abilities. Now that is not to say you will be able to lift all the burdens upon you, all of us will carry some until we breathe our last but that is where the second aspect comes in. That of strengthening yourself. You speak of having low self esteem and being drained, both are interconnected. I would argue your focus on career and finances over self improvement is part of that vicious cycle. Yes, both aspects of your life are vital, especially if we are to survive long enough in this dying and decrepit system of ursery and corruption. But they must also be balanced with yourself as well. A Man with low self esteem will rarely achieve much, his mind clouded by self doubt and fear. His feet will fail him, his soul weakens for no resolve can be found. You must not neglect such things. Especially now as the darkness hangs over us. Think of it like this. You are a son of Europa, you are an inheritor to her soil both of the homelands and her colonies. You are born from it, shaped in ways unfathomable by your people and the land they made their own. But that soil must be fertile for new life to grow, it must be made arable. Now the semite, it salts the earth, it's poisons it allowing only weeds and deformed life to bloom. The soil must be refreshed, the poison washed away and given new life. In doing so fresh life, nature itself can find purchase again and grow unbound and unbowed. You are that soil. Your self doubt and fear of familial rejection is the poison poured into you by this semetic influenced world. You will achieve little without fixing that part of yourself, without fixing the Man who stands in the mirror every morning. Do not misunderstand me though, you need not be handsome, you need not be the smartest nor the wisest, you need not be covered in rippling muscle from head to toe. But you must recognise the areas in yourself which you have failed in and fix them before some semblance of strength can be found. You must plant your roots deep in the soil and become unbending, unyielding. Then the challenges of this miserable age, they will begin to grow pale and smaller as you realise you indeed have the strength to face them and you do indeed have that strength within you.