fe.settings:getUserBoardSettings - non array given[pol] - Endchan Magrathea
I've been on quite a roll of self-improvement lately ever since I've stumbled upon /sig/ again and since I've been reading Nietzsche too.
There were ups and downs, but managed to deal with it mostly well, and quite importantly managed to avoid most self-distructive behaviors while strengthening positive ones.
But this weekend broke me, I decided to go home a bit tidier than usual, lately I've also been trying to dress better and for the fun of it I decided to put on a necktie and a light sports coat - just to be able to enjoy some change, try out different things and make my grandma happy (she loves it when her grandchildren dress nicely and elegantly - gramps was a gentleman and a military man).
First comment I get from my mother though is half ridicule/half "shock", I really didn't expect that she'd say I needlessly overdressed (and I guess I did to an extent) but them she and my sister proceeded to make a bit of a fuss about it especially now that I had don an apron on (after taking the jacket off) to make them focaccia (they asked me to beforehand and I was more than glad to do that), but then the criticisms continued that I might get my shirt dirty and that I should've changed my clothes before touching anything in the kitchen.
This whole encounter instantly reminded me of why I hate being around people in general, but I realize I need other solutions.
And to make matters worse, I got " rejected" from a band I wanted to join (I'm an intermediate guitarist, used to play live a few years ago) - and the message was quite harsh - saying that they're looking for someone "experienced" even though they were very happy initially with the stuff I sent (head kike band leader found out I'm Christian-Arab), it shouldn't have affected me, but it broke me for some reason.
I caved in, tried to do sports as usually, can hardly lift ¼th of what I usually do - and ended up breaking my almost month-long abstinence.
I don't know where I'm rambling with this anons, I just feel down, all the change I've been doing and my brain falls flat on stupid social validation.
I'm not sure, should I just go back to more hermetic ways? It seems to work better - but then I'll be more "cold" to people and burn bridges in many cases.