OP face reveal, just wanted to recollect my thoughts somewhat, somewhere. It's weird to see the old covers of my mp3 files, Most are blank now or otherwise have an image of a Plushie on them now, In the past I just wanted to have a pretty picture on them and thought the artsy aesthetic japanese photographers on Instagram did the job but it would be awkward to meet a girl and have her see thousands of different women displayed on my music playlist so, no more of asian women photography.

Anyways, I never had a Girlfriend and I wished for a Soulmate for what is now the majority of my lifetime. What ended up happening a few months ago is that I fell in love with someone who played pretend and left me feeling betrayed and cheated. The Person came into my life herself so I was hopeful and overjoyed that it meant that is was from God but she is forgiven anyhow.

It would be easy to remain enraged daily and point out to God His own Scripture:
"Luke 11:10 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. 11 If a son asks for [e]bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish?"

I don't want to equate a human being to bread or fish of course and I certainly do not want to tell God that He is an inadequate Father. To my limited understanding, God is probably telling me that He betrayed my Wish in the same way I betray Him by the Sins I do not flee.

Even in my heart of hearts, it seems obvious that I idolize a desire for A Second-Half over God. I should not Worship anyone but God.

I tried my hardest the last few months to wash my Hands of all that reeks of sin off me and I'm fully aware only Jesus Christ's Blood Absolves my Crimes, Not my Actions, I just dont want to sin any more and try to do what I must in the Name of The Lord.

When it comes to my Greatest Desire, I will try my best to read and fathom more of the scripture to remain upright and not disheartened. It is a bit difficult to live feeling guilty and confused, Some days I cry over how Spiritually Lonely I feel, other times my Heart Palpitates out of Dread and I remain in the dark, Silent.

"Be Joyful in Hope, Patient in Affliction, Hopeful in Prayer"
I will continue to Hope for a Loved one while trying hard not to make it an Idolization, God First. It is however, always important to keep in mind that everything is God's Will, He might never want me to be Betrothed and I must be at Peace with Either Outcomes, There is so much He Blessed and Blesses me with from my Wealth to my Health to the Peace in my Heart.

May you be Blessed with Health and Peace too, Jesus Christ be with you.