>>/5889/
> No. Reading it twice and than reading this makes me feel a lot of things, but indiffence isn't one of those feelings.
then I am satisfied after reading this.

 >>/5827/
> indifferent back then but, are you going to be sure about feeling indifferent about this one?
No. Reading it twice and than reading this makes me feel a lot of things, but indiffence isn't one of those feelings.

> It´s no wonder that one would find pretty hard to judge this story. It needs to be revised in grammar I know and the first two chapters make it seem generic. Nonetheless, that innocence is lost whenever one enters into the 3rd chapter onwards. This fic is incredibly backloaded and won´t probably appeal many fans out there, not that I care all that much.
Here as it is, no, but...

 >>/5821/
> by using samples and place them correctly in order to work for another context.
You have gone past the point here. This reasoning is as complex as stories like Enteral or The Star in Yellow. Is the fic as good as those, no. But the groundwork I think is there for something good. I think you have it within you to weave such themes. Should you ever decide touch this again I'd highly recommend you run with some of this.

If I have to choose one critique:
needs more poison. Not nessinarily a lot more but the subtexts were at times too far that without context I have no idea. Like, with the moments it stood out the most it was a gentle breeze, but for some of the OC meta context and deeper musings I probably would not have guessed without you telling me. I do not mean to say bash it on the head but letting a little bit more shine through could be helpful for a more interesting read for others.


> So was that why he felt both young and old with some lines?
in theory, I wanted to reflect the theme of age for adding up a layer of connection to the protagonist, feeling tired of hectic ambients and looking for his own place. The inconsistency however is that as a youngster, I am kind of like delivering lessons that old people could have without having experienced them for myself. The emotions feel proper from a young adult but the logic displayed during and after his death (especially in the last chapters) resembles more of a tired character in his attitude.