>>/5898/
> I have a couple of specific problem with the piece associated with the clip I'm about to attach -- I really let my mane down when I wrote it and while I like the dream sequences, I don't know if I started over if I could get the same level of feel while not having every mare literally throw herself at my Gary Stu insert.
I'll thrown in my thoughts too after I think on it a little bit. 

 >>/5909/
> yeah, because reading this feels a little bit challenging.
You probably haven't even read a Conversion Bureau fic (my own experience is limited as well) and it can be hard enough on its own to judge a small part of a larger story. I suppose you could just offer your two cents on what makes it work or not or what feels off. That's what I'm probably going to do.