>>/7816/
> That's not how kirin magic works
< So, interesting, Anon, and I presume mankind in general in this setting is more familiar with kirins then ponydom. 


> Roasting thinks about her beer & whiskey equipment.
> Her dad dumped out the mash in a fit of rage.
I am slightly confused by the jumping back and forth in POV, though I presume this is do to the formatting of you trying to cram this all into three posts. 
< She wants to make wine, but her Dad won't let her live the dream.

> The human shrugged, mumbled something about sleeping in the woods.
> Friends of the whitetail? Surely even this creature doesn't sleep in the Everfree.
Was Anon mumbling about sleeping with friends of whitetail? As in he was trying to deceive Hobs on where he was sleeping. Might want to switch these lines around if that was the case. Which I presume is, because:
> The human really did mean the Everfree.

> Hops catches the sadness in its face as the human adds,
"They're my inheritance from my mother."
< Royalty? Nobility?  At least rich.

> She explains that there's no apple orchard
Sweet Apple Acres is a thing which exists in Ponyville. I know, background pony, but it was the setting of a few episodes. 

> No way she's taking a cold blooded killer out on a date without slowing him down.
From what context does she know this? This next line would be good to have before and indicate that first:
> Watching every pony walk past, the binocular vision of a hunter.

> Seriously, at 17 you've never touched alcohol.
< Anon is only 17
This is normally a huge red flag. Angst filled adult is one thing, but when it's a teen the cringe is nearly guaranteed with less interesting stuff going on to make a story even partly worth reading. I'll let it pass for this case—now anyway—time skip has anon aged some and you have one good thing going for you that I will get to in a moment. 


"Roastie, good morning. I guess that stuff you brought was pretty potent."
> You can't remember when you started calling her a pet name.
If this is what I think it is then that is pretty cleaver use of her name for a innuendo while being completely fitting for a pony whose CM is in brewing.

> The door bursts open. Intruding on the private room are two white pegasi
> Wearing metal uniforms.
I find this part slightly abrupt. Part of me feels like this could use a slight longer line or a hint or... I don't know. I feel like something is missing here.

> One blade, now buried under the collarbone of the pegasus on the right. 
< Edgy ninja 

> Until his spine cracks.
< Edgy brawler. 

> Wrapping a foreleg around your left hip, she speaks so softly you almost can't hear her.
> "I don't want to be in this town, ever again."
< "I want to be an edgy ninja too anon and we can make edgy ninja baby freaks of nature together." 
< "My favorite film is Star Wars Attack of the Clones, Anakin is so, umf when he slaughters all those Tuskens and you are bringing on the same feeling."