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> You're going to need to rent directly from a person
I'm thinking you're correct on this.
That's primarily what I'm looking at this point-only problem is it's hard to know who's reputable & who's going to take your security deposit (plus whatever else they can squeeze out of you) only to find out they are doing some shady shit...like taking your rent money but not paying their mortgage so that in 60 days' time you end up getting kicked out for their failure to pay. 
I was thinking (obesessing) about this all last night, and I had basically reached the same conclusion: That it would show up on any background check. Thing is though, I am not technically evicted yet..as in it is not on my rental history/etc..yet. I don't know the exact time frame but I estimated I have until the end of this month. I also recently learned that as long as you vacate before the eviction is finalized at the end of the 30-40 days & tell the landlord that you are surrendering the property & return the keys-that that will stop the eviction from ending up on your background/rental history (another reason I'm racing the clock here).
> eviction is a criminal procedure
This I did not know...and it could affect my job in the future as my job requires a squeaky-clean criminal history.

Thanks so much for the sound advice (again), fren. Sincerely.