It goes to show that you don't need to be sleeping on the sidewalk in the rain or shooting up hard drugs in order to feel absolutely miserable. It's all just neurology and psychology, the circumstances only matter in so far as those human factors allow them to matter. I feel like I've gained some control over my emotions in the last few months (through Suzanne's teachings, which I still mostly only understand on an intellectual level) but things still very much "arise" as she calls it. And sometimes I just feel like absolute shit. Yeah I don't need to work that's true but it's also true that I can barely afford food and bills, both of my parents need my help, I have absolutely nobody to help me or even just to talk to (other than you guys), I'm fairly autistic and live in a constant state of stress and anxiety in normie society, all in all I'd say my life is pretty awful. But it's not really. It's just what it is. I try to see that, I do. Sometimes I can accept it but most of the time I can't