Logically speaking I think I should move sideways, i.e. find different things to seek after. Not that I need to, I already know more or less what I "need" in order to get "better" (am I being insufferable enough by constantly referencing subjectivity yet?). The problem is I haven't been able to get there, but I'm optimistic about it. It's not like you need to pay for optimism right? it's free