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https://youtube.com/watch?v=ewoyklnP-8U her monologue in the first 20 mins or so does a pretty good job describing the realizations that made me so apathetic towards the world. I don't agree with everything she says, but I did go through basically the same experience. at some point I started seeing predictable almost mechanical egos desperately clawing at each other instead of nice smiling people, so I didn't want anything to do with them anymore. and if I removed myself from the equation, then I couldn't do any harm myself either