>>/63639/
that's an almost absurdly selfish and materialistic way to look at it, but sadly that's how practically everyone operates. I find that I still get tangled up in expectations a lot, most recently expectations about what I should be able to give back to people that have helped me in the past. I need to take a deep breath and go listen to one of Suzanne's videos or something. I'm getting too old to keep the sisyphean struggles and psychological self harm going indefinitely. I trust that I'll have something to give in the near future if things go my way (which they probably won't and then I'll be even more upset)