> The movies get this subtly and horribly wrong. In movies, he protects what he feels like protecting, or what society wants him to protect, or what it is his duty to protect, and the woman is his reward. This is obvious nonsense. In reality, if he protects what I want him to protect — me specifically of course — then I will automatically feel inspired to cherish him.
> Women can protect, too. I’ve had some pretty intense safety pragma directed at me. ;)
> Some women like being dominated in a kinky sense, but I’d bet safety pragma is more common and likely to be lot more powerful. The secret to earning a woman’s willingness to defer is not about being dominant toward the women! The secret is respecting the woman and knowing how to deal with dangerous men who could hurt her. Fantasies about someone ruthlessly crushing a threat gets the strongest response in my case.
> What man will tell you that?
> Men have no incentive to tell you how to attract women.
> Pickup artistry is a sham!
> What would have worked in my case was unacceptable:
> Something that would have worked to save me is if someone clever enough and trustworthy enough offered me protection. I would repay them by cherishing them. The level of enthusiasm and dedication I would offer would be a costly signal that I really needed them. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to offer sex in exchange for bodyguard services and security work. I didn’t keep this relationship between protection and arousal a complete secret of course, but I couldn’t advertise it widely enough to make it likely to succeed, especially given that I am selective, and that some of my enemies are a challenge. I needed someone special.
> Nobody I know has ever heard of anything like the safety pragma I describe. It’s too weird. It resembles prostitution. I don’t want food or money for sex. I’d rather die than accept that. Sex is disgusting when I am not aroused. Trading it for food or money would probably traumatize me. I can’t help that it turns me on when people defend me against others. If the safety pragma phenomenon were more widely understood and accepted, I’d have been able to do something with this situation. Had I tried to explain this, I would have been viewed with suspicion, like I was trying to use my body get someone to arbitrarily attack people and gain power for the sake of power.
> No. I would love my protector.