>>/5909/
Mostly being edgy on purpose or accidentally. I't's not just the internet, I was also expelled from every school, unironically exorcised as a young kid (for following my schoolmate's idea and larping a "demon summoning chant"), etc. I used to do great with small groups before fully losing my mind (For a few years now I can't even open myself to my family and I dream the people that I know including loved ones torture me to death if I don't get high before sleep every night) but whenever there's a "cop" figure (Like 90%+ "Respect to authority" Deluks) I end up getting fucked rather fast.
I've considered some kind of chemical solution but idk what, stims or "pro social drugs" are only going to make it worse as it's when I'm at my best that it happens, I overestimate comonality and shared affection etc. It's not mania either.
>>/5910/
Lol, don't worry I don't want into any hangouts that would mind that.
I don't even care at this point tbh, I was going through a mental breakwdown of sorts so I asked my only friend to come and stay with me yesterday but he wouldn't stay, said his gf would be mad because he hadn't slept there in 3 days and it was "family sunday"
When he said I that I broke, finally understood clearly what is it that hurts and terrifies me about people; In all my nightmares the reasons I'm getting tortured and killed are misunderstandings or small taboo violations I'm not even aware of. "Family sunday" HAHAHAHAHA… And these are all I people I'd go to hell for.
Then he couldn't stop trying to suck my dick whenever I hugged him, even after I told him that I wasn't at all in the mood.
The humans are dead.
>>/5913/
Nah, I'm not that incapable of supressing myself, it was "Chink" which asians don't give a shit about afaik (it's a baizuo sensibility), I even learned and became fond of it because of an asian ""friend"".
And it was in the context of venting about the upcoming triumph of fucking chinks and the chinkification of my people so not like abusively calling blacks nigger at all :shrug: