> be american
> wake up at 4am to get drive to work
> eat sugar pellet and UHT milk soup for breakfast
> chug a 32oz glass of High Fructose Corn syrup enriched Orange Drink
> doesn't contain enough orange to be called juice
> my pupils dilate as the glucose tears through my lymphatic system
> my hands start throbbing as cold sweats run down my back
> decide to hit up starbucks on the way to work to calm my nerves
> notice my coworker drinking a clear, non-carbonated beverage
> "Hey, what's that, the new crystal pepsi?"
> coworker tells me it's just water, it comes out of the faucet by the sink
> typical onions beta, drinking government feminising poison
> coworker mentions he's on a new diet where he's skipping breakfast
> take a big sip from my 48oz double shot caramel frappecino with extra cream
> "You can't skip breakfast, its the most important meal of the day"