>>/1285/
> it became a natural way of acting and was no longer noticeable as different from my current personality.

Oh, so in a way it's adding some kind of "mode" or function to the main personality.
different from what i was thinking but interesting nonetheless.
thank you for explaining it.

> You're no lying about who you are if you are acting out a role you created intentionally. You're merely in-role.

..you're right, maybe i should start to figure who i really am first, otherwise i am just making a mess.

> 1286

> I made a colosseum mental palace just to gather all my possible personalities to remake a new.

Oh i had something like 3 dragon girls sitting in three thrones, they were different "me" i was trying to make. 

> The reason was that none of them was the "real me". They were part of me but not the complete me.

I think i understand, thank you for sharing your experience.
I tend to remember some seemingly random posts from 8ch or random forums, books too
like puzzle pieces coming the moment i need them, so this helps make my decision on what to do next.
I was also bullied and have a lot of trauma from childhood, having your parents harming you create some kind of disconnect that i have yet to resolve.
Years ago i lost the sound of my thought, not completely but as if they were being silenced with a pillow, or underwater.
These days my visualization is pretty bad too, it feels like swimming in ink.
But I also had a good Lucid dream, with the most vivid colors, I mean IRL feels like a dream this was much better, i always had static in my eyes, random colors showing up in my vision too, the color are dull
and the sun feels hostile like some reverse winter depression, even developed a sun allergy somehow..
Maybe it's my way out, no mind chatter pure concentration and a beautiful world to explore and problems to solves there, and a lot of cleaning to do too, no place for corruption if a lot of brain power is busy maintaining the dream.
I sometimes talk to somebody in dream, they make fun of me for not remembering what they're telling me, saw glimpse of the future a few times there.
I'll try to swim deeper and see what i find.