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And one last important thing I forgot to mention. This crazyness was the groundwork. Now the proper cultivation needs to happen. You need to let your plants grow on their own. It doesn't mean I am finished and only patience remains. No I need proper care and realize that some things needs patience and temperance. The hardest card for me... What is even temperance what is even the correct way... I need to feel it and I need to know it like it's my nature. 

The funniest thing that is not even hard. I just need to accept how easy it is. You can think the fastest way by not thinking at all. 

Most of my guided meditations are all about:
> feel it
> pay attention

Yes I know literally the basics of meditation. Kindergarten level