>>/2478/
I just remembered something last night. I like your sigils/programs and I like figuring out the logic/mechanisms behind it. Now the problem with this that this "interest" in it has an energy output already to activate it.

I came to this "reality is not real" realization in a not too nice way. Reality is too fragile if your energy output is too high. And if this is not real then what is "real". Going from 1 false reality into an another? What is the point? etc etc

The conclusion I came up with that I must find out what are the most real energies and make a way to be able to transform them in a way that it doesn't destroy me or the reality I am residing in. Having awakening unstable psychic powers is annoying. 
So I am working out the energy work system with the deities to make it natural because my energies are still too aggressive. My meditations are absolutely guided because of this.

So your servitors and sigils. I think you are mostly aware of this and I am not even sure I need to say this... Hard to put into words
Where to even start...

Your ripper thinking is dominant in most of your spellforms. 
You talked about most of the side effects already but there are some that mostly affect you.
It can create a mental conclusion that YOU DID THIS TO ME. The negative emotions of the victims that still want to take revenge. That suicidal mechanism of his is good because it "removes itself" but does it really hate itself? Or it hates the creator that created it? ( I don't know the answer it's just when I looked at the sigil suddenly I felt hate towards you that I realized it doesn't come from me)
I obv wanted to remove this servitor because currently only "energy maintenance/evolution" and higher thought balancing servitors are allowed to keep the stability of my being. Currently I have to watch out not to fool around. Even when I fool around it has a lesson value. When I wanted to remove it Kali told me
> wait it has still some value you are not seeing
So Kali grabbed it and started to rip it apart. I thought it's a servitor it probably won't have effect on you or if it has you are well equipped to handle it. Kali is with you too anyways she knows what is she doing.

So what I have seen/felt here. First your fear when you were being chased by a crowd in some streets. I didn't really noticed the full picture because I only needed that fear. I got rid of my fight or flight reflex. When the "fear" sets in I turn it into anger and create a powerful emotion that usually makes the opposition shit themselves. You are on the frontline mentality. You cannot flee from there. When you turn around you get stabbed. Use that fear to remind yourself that fear will be your reason of death. Others need to fear you not you.
This mindset is great if you are on the warrior path but on the spiritual it's an obstacle for various reasons. So that fear balanced my mind but that was not the important thing that I found there.

With Kali and Shiva I am trying to make sure my energies are the same as those energies in the "ultimate reality" and the "surface energies" are the same as the energies that are in the reality I am currently in. That energy is the absolute destruction and creation but you need to gradually get closer to both and realize different energies get destroyed/created in a different matter but still the same in the end.