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> returning to nothing
> but why
When you can reach into the "Unmanifest" you will notice 2 things. First you can "manifest" anything from there. But if you look into it a little "deeper" you will see thing that count even "more unmanifest". An even more nothing.
Lemme give you some example that happened to me.
I was talking to Narasimha and had some similar thought process about sg like this. An answer was an orchestra of whispers. I knew it was beautiful and it bothered me that I could not fully "hear it" and because of that I could not "fully appreciate it". It was like passing by an opera house and hearing the music which is "inside". You hear that is beautiful but you don't know what is the opera about really. This made me really sad that there are things that I am still unable to appreciate.
After this an energy center in my chest brightened up and started working. I said myself
> Heh. It seems some parts of me can appreciate this after all
You need a good ear to hear the many whispers and an even better to hear the one that says something important. Most of it is just noise.
> open" occult knowledge is mostly so useless
This is the thing. If I read about any occult article I get visions of the "intent of the author" and the described deities appear. If it has a religious painting then they pop out and greet me. I am literally avoiding stuff because of it.
A mountain of books is worthless when you cannot understand what is written in it. But even a parchment with a scribble on it can tell you the secrets of the universe if you can understand it. The trees and the skies will be your guide and not endless schizo ramblings of those who tried to describe the "undescribable"
> I have to take the time for sorting everything out
Good. Do that. You are on the right path btw. Your feelings are a sign of progress. A tip tho. Don't focus about the "feeling of struggle" or the frustration itself but try to find it's "origin". What memory/trauma or any origin point you can find is the "cause". You need to learn a lot of yourself before you can go further.
> TK has taught me how to let go of sneeze nerve stimulation in the nose
I also figured out a bunch of "nerve hacks" at the early parts of my path and my body has a hard time making me sneeze. The stimulation is there but it goes away if I don't add "extra voltage" to "trigger it". You might say that's good isn't it? Well... It turns out sneezing has an extremely good built in "cleansing mechanism" both bodily and spiritually and sneezing naturally is good for you. So I have to "force" my body to fulfill it's "original reflexes" because I sorta "overwired" myself. But keep up it. Your TK experience will be useful at many parts of the path. When the "Invisible" will try to "hold you down" you will have the power to "push it back" by default