>>/520/
> Your methods are too different from my own. 

Yeah I reforged the way I do things in the past week several times as i went by. After that 5th portal being open I was suspicious that this continuous mistakes into miracles path forward might be some outward influence too so I checked my planetary placements and holy shit. I must make the most progress now because this placement can give anything. 

Also about that dirty feel... I can only sense that at high purity level. When I am pure almost all food feels bad and wrong. When life gets bad I regress into my animalistic instinctual tendencies and everything feels and tastes great especially meat.(When I was not yet aware of spiritualism I experimented with unleashing mental and physical capabilities by tapping into the primal instincts and life and death situations and constant desire to survive in the most desperate situations to see how much I can push the limits of myself. It was a great revelation that everything is possible but you must keep in mind what is the price of unleashing powers just for fun that meant for only the most desperate of situations...)

So if I go by the reading what I made with Clippy. The red energy is above me and within the "extents of my powers" and my hard dark aspects are minimal now. I had other things outward too but those things were sideways. But between me and the red energy there was a big empty space (or white) because the reading was your style but with my understanding and I completely forgot about this white creamy thing. Also purple color was not on the reading. (Or maybe it was there was a red a green and a 3rd thing that I forgot what it was)

So far how this whole thing feels is like spearheading through some battle line and as you break through the spearhead of your forces are safe while the others are being attacked left to right. But because this is a spear or  formation as I go in I can expand my frontlines outward and if I keep up the push the opposition might crumble. Or if I think of the "purple" energy as a haven where I am safe

Now the question is. This purple realm is the thing I need? 

Also as I was writing this I went into that purple realm and withdrawn most of my "forces" into it Let's hope this is not a shadow realm. Real calm feeling. I just need to run the nanomachines constantly to get rid of the effects of the battle.

> In my view it comes down to showing everyone that you did all you could to negate the bad stuff

Well I am trying to choose the lesser evils while keeping a way forward "good" but I am still not there.

> At one point you still have to live, but at least do what you can.

"A candle that burns twice as bright burns twice as fast". That is the saying but every law has it's exception.

Also I still don't know what it means to me truly live and what I would consider the thing I "can" do. I am not saying because I am some aimless depressed fuck but because the occult showed me there are so many things beyond us that when you reach the tip of the mountain above the clouds you thought it's the largest rock that is you spot an another in the distance that is 3 times bigger.

 Guess am not getting a reading no matter what. Time to experiment because I either made my best or worst choice in this moment but so far it feels great and weird