>>/5591/
oops forgot to quote  >>/5587/

I'll go ahead and give context on the person i was referring to in response to (since he's the only i can consciously think of that could possibly apply to this) 
>  >is some person who had influence upon you while growing up and you "hold him dearly/in high regard" while in actuality he is a disgusting person. It doesn't feel like your mundane self.
> i met them during my fighting game forays around when i was still in highschool (so between 16-18 yo)
> he used to talk alot of shit, smoke weed and we'd all play fighting games, you know just having an overall fun time
> i met him through another former friend
> eventually we got real close and talked about life and stuff
> he also gave me advice because back then, i was getting a lot of shit from people i knew in the fighting game circlers for being a weak players, me being a bit more spergy and annoying (not really on purpose, it was something i genuinely had a difficulties controlling) as well as my voice and general irl woes at that time too
> then things happened to him (iirc a personal irl friend of his died) and he changed too
> he wanted to be an artist, game developer, and a lot of other things too
> I, at the time had similar thoughts but due to family issues and me being disabled, having lack of resources, etc. i couldnt do much at all
> he would always talk about being on the grind, how everyone should be on the grind for hours at a time (im paraphrasing but you get the point)
> especially in regard to art and such
> he was basically getting on me at one point for not being able to practice art or do anything despite me mentioning im hard cucked by lack of resources and my pc at the time being a literal potato kept me from messing with Maya. 3DSMAX, etc. but kept talking about how i need to be on the grind hours and put the games away, the real world is harsh, yadda yadda
> i mean, he wasn't wrong about the world being tough and having to grind things out but i already learned that and had to put up with others constantly telling me too
> it admittedly got real difficult talking to him at times because he would constantly say such things
> apart from that he gave me some more advice on life things and women, that he wanted me to write in notebook (i dont know what happened to that notebook i might have thrown it away by accident or something)
> anyways he was giving advice like "women need us more than we need them, women dont like men they can easily control, be on the grind, always desire greatness, do not resign to being a peon, etc." there are more but i cant remember
> he also called people peons, mostly to those he think that didn't have a purpose or any desires, there were a few times he mentioned that he called his boss and family members peons
> he would always say "always aspire for greatness and nothing else, never be a peon" even saying things like "greatness" awaits
> he made videos with him talking how being a peon is bad and that its better to die than be one (again, im paraphrasing)
> after a bit he went through like multiple retail jobs and had to move in with his family, that was the last time i spoke with him
> in spite of all that we did always try to talk and hang out with each other when he had time open
> around the time he disappeared i sort of uhhhh... left him a message every day, saying i was calling to check up on him ans to give me a call back when he could
> i did that for about a year haha.
> My... yandere/yangire feelings kinda showed themselves whenever i thought about him since he was one of the few people who were genuinely nice to me and tried help when i was down/more unwell back then
> he resurfaced a few years later to stream and stuff but he never responded to myself or the other close friend (last i asked her about him she said he wasnt even returning her messages) and then he disappeared again because all of his social media stuff disappeared