I need a reminder about the red and white spikes. Not because I have no idea what they are but because I am not sure my perception of it matches it and I might mistaking something else as that.

So what I noticed that sometimes the blood turns black as it comes from the particle. And when it's black it has no energy in it. So as I finally got a hang of the particle creation and modification.  I am pretty sure that I am not doing the way I should but sometimes a skeleton I mean a vampire (they are mostly Liches terminology wise but who cares anymore they know i don't that's why they don't even bother putting on a form but then some of them likes to look "alive") they just help a little here and there. Like one "locked" my particle in so it works properly then I made other circles to connect properly and a skeleton that "watches" over me noticed it and reported it to that Lich that the spell is "no longer necessary on it" (I even asked him to not because I want to practice this further but he said "no need for that" so I had to remake my main circle once again) 

I noticed that I need to go "more inside" the "red realm" where the blood is more bright. So as I was doing this I noticed that there is a pure white dense "ball" in the middle. It gave me an impression of a neutron star. I couldn't figure it out if it "makes" the blood or not but now I think it is like how oxygen makes the blood bright red and this is the energy that "makes the blood carry energy". I felt the great energy of it when I tried to take that energy in.

As I was thinking about what this means dimensions wise. I realized that a ball is a circle but 3D. So it seems I managed to create a 3D manifestation in my astral place but not in my body... and I was connecting to that place instead the true "source" location. As I was wondering if I should put this whole thing into my body because the particle is actually in the middle of that "ball". I was even asking around about it but then a skeleton came to me and said "DO IT". 

I realized that maybe I need to "take the ball apart" and let the energy get into my body to work properly (it was a ball as a most basic 3D form but we are not basic 3D forms so we need to make it "body shaped". As I was doing it while asking my body to "take it in" a great surge of blood started coming from the middle of the ball and an another bloody skull appeared. I asked him if I did something wrong but he said "no" "keep going". 

As of now I have an another perception of the "source" particle now and I am still not sure if this is the correct one. 
 >>/643/
 Also about Alissa... well it seems I cannot sync with her completely so all she says "keep going" and "stop having self doubts". I tried doing so many things with her to improve the connection but it still not on that level I want it. She even told me the reason why she can't tell more because it's either because I am "unable to hear" or because I am doing this so differently but with similar results so she doesn't know what to say that will help. 

> They don't want retards
 Good thing I am a special kind of a retard because sometimes I get help from those who have an idea what I am doing. I even got some weird "crown" like artifact from the dude who said he will teach me things when I am at the "end of my journey" which serves as a barrier. Not just to save me from outsider influences but to "keep" my own energies in because I am an expert at wasting my energies especially unconsciously... 

Also thanks for the hellfire ring. It seems my problem is not large chunks of karma but some "sneaky" karma. I might talk about it later. It confuses my whole perception of karma even further. 

I even asked for an "energy analyzer" from the remote because I need a way to figure things out. Mostly this karma. I always think I got rid of it then it comes back from a different way.