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>>/995/ I know I'm just talking to myself here, but no matter what I try I cannot get used to my disgusting facial hair, nor chest hair, or leg hair... but the first especially because I can't hide it. I don't mind it as much on other males... but I still don't like it, a total turn off for me. I spent a thousand dollars on permanent laser hair removal, and still... the dreaded neck beard. Next up is electrolysis, I'll buy a device and do it myself. Ahh I'm such a pussy to have let my parents control my life for the last decade. They've fucked me up so much and still I find it hard just leave. Stockholm syndrome I think, my relationship with mom... I don't think it was bad that I wanted to avoid scorched earth conflict with my parents, but I should have left when I was 19 and could. At every turn they/their religion, has cucked me (in the liberal sense of defeat & thwarted efforts and desires, not literally). Ahh I wish I wasn't such a pussy or was born a girl; or even better, both. I'm wayyy too sensitive for a male. Having to suppress my feminine side my whole life has hollowed me out. Made life joyless. If my phenotypical sex and situation was reversed I'd simply be a tomboy. No stigma whatsoever. But wanting to be a trap is "the worst thing ever"... Still, being a trap is literally the best I can hope for, but only if I can pass. I don't know... would I feel as suffocated if I had to suppress my masculinity instead of my femininity. That would be the true test to seen if I'm really trans or just a special snowflake. ... I'm just making it too complicated. If I had to chose between the binary of male or female, I'd choose female. The only conflict I might have is if there was a third option: natural perfect trap. I guess this makes me more trans than not. I like feminine beauty in myself and others... but I prefer to be the receptive partner, and wish to have someone who could take care of me. ...but I want children, so yes, being a trap is the best I can hope for. Unless a Goddess descends to save me. I've been waiting a long time, so I'm not counting on it. /end broken record. I'm sure there must be at least a few out there with similar struggles, and the opposite of a supportive family/environment.