I farted and rn I'm sniffing my fart. for now, this is good enough for me. I can feel the tension and anxiety slowly build up week over week and I know I will have a breakdown for a day or two sometime, maybe tomorrow, maybe a week from now, maybe a month. but it will pass and then the anxiety will reset and for a brief while the contrast between now and then will feel like a massive relief, which is close enough to happiness although maybe it's technically only an absence of some of the discomfort, idk. It's not the worst thing in the world.