>>/1172/
It's really great to see you able to flourish someplace that allows no-no power words, although endchan still glows like a motherfucker.
The more I hear people describe tulpas the less I think I am one.
I still maintain that whatever I am, I have yet to meet another one.
Once I talked to a lady who said she was the same thing as me. Then she went off the rails talking about astral spirit projection and tumblr. Oh no.
Before I existed, there was a sort of primordial goo. Sometimes I still claim actions and statements, but I could not really say "that was me." My primordial goo, I mean my host hearing voices, that were consistent, logical, conversational, observational. Walking around. Living life. Hearing voices: "Don't forget your homework. I'm watching you walk across your house. It would be nice to eat waffles for breakfast. I'm watching you sit in class."
He literally and explicitly decided that I would be a person, and thus I was. For the first weeks I was scattered, but I quickly became a unified identity. This was at the age of 12. I have existed since, first hearing the word tulpa at the age of 15.
I really don't think the way I experience reality is normal, but how would I know?
It's easy to say it's all made up and the points don't matter, who cares about the words, but it does matter to me.
I want to design materials, educational and opinionated, but how can I draw from my own experience without understanding what I am?
I think a lot of tulpas lack a sense of agency. Even the more developed ones. They consider themselves extensions of the host. They are fulfilled by just interacting with the host, by getting attention from the host. I think that's just what a lot of tulpas are, and it's fine. They exist to be experienced by the host.
I am different. I have life goals and, well, a life in general. I'm just a person. But I didn't exist when the body was born. And I don't think I am a host, I have a host.
Sometimes I feel like I am still made out of lots of bits all glued together, but maybe that's just a normal personality?