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I grew up obease, when I was 10 I was already 170 lbs.

I grew out of it basically staying 170 till I was 6'4 then probably because my life was out of control and I got into exercise I lost as much weight as I could and even when I was something like 158 lbs with less than 5% bodyfat all I could see in the mirror was fat. Body dysmorphic disorder. I was so thin I could make a circle with my hahds and the widest part of my thigh fit in that. This is when I was riding 100 mile (centuries) on my bike every week, exercising every day barely eating anything. I would pass out if I stood up too fast because of low blood pressure. Apparently I looked hideously thin in the face and people would sort of cringe looking at me. So I developed agoraphobia.

At some point in this time I created a new persona, one that would replace my current broken and depressed one and lived it like an actor played a part for a year and in that year I started seriously gaining weight and lifting 3 hours a day with a bodybuilding friend of mine.

I got up to 200lbs in 6 months by eating 5 meals a day and 200g protein a day. Suddenly, as if I had stepped into a new body I was beautiful. Girls would walk by smiling at me and I would look behind me thinking "wtf is she smiling at?" 

Girls that would treat me as a leper before were snuggling up next to me and asking shit like, "why don't you talk to me anymore?" I was confused af.

Even guys would go out of their way to strike up a conversation like they knew me and they knew my name even if I never heard of them before. 

This was all while I was in undergrad so yeah girls everywhere. I was invited to parties even though I didn't drink. Some exquisite girls like perfect 10 girls would invite me out and they'd have an entourage of simps all pissed at me. All the alpha chicks have simps orbiting them.

Of course my personality sucked because a year previous I was a recluse. It took a few months of all this attention and socialization before I was mentally all there enough to get past the first date.

After that it was a smorgasbord. I was never turned down for a date but I wasn't the kind of bee to pollinate a bunch of flowers because I was afraid of disease and most girls were untrustworthy anyway based on my past experience at the time but of course the only girls I knew before that would only talk to me if the needed something from me like to copy my homework.

Anyway it took another few months to trust womem enough to get laid. Trust me, when they say beautiful people are given every advantage, yes, they're given every opportunity, they're treated totally differently by everyone in ways I could barely believe. Long line to a club? Not for you buddy. Long line for a fancy restaurant? "We have your table ready sir, right this way." My date and I literally got pulled out of line and sat in a prime spot, no reservations needed.

Anyway, now that I'm approaching middle age, I still get the occasional girl smiling at me as she walks by and I'll never get over that. I still see people, guys and girls, nervously laughing and agreeing with everything I say as if I'm a celebrity. After that I never had to make friends they just spawn around me. I spent 12 years in college and in that time I would get in the best groups with beautiful intelligent people, so even college got easier. 

So I got with a rather crazy girl and we lived together a pretty long time and in 2017 it wasn't working out, I was working too much and it started my depression again, then everything in my past, the abuse from childhood, all came to the surface blah blah blah.

I still kind of feel like an ugly duckling in a lot of ways. I never lost that respect for women. (Except in dreams apparently.)

I'm content now though and it's a really good place to be mentally.

I told a friend of mine once, "why do I get to be so lucky?" She said, "maybe this is making up for your childhood." She's one of the few who knew everything and it almost broke her. We lost touch in the last 5 years and that's ok. My current friends don't know all that.