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> how does vanilla d&d actually handle this?

It's not set in stone as far as how individual DMs handle it but if I'm understanding it correctly:

If you receive damage >2x max hp, that's an instant kill, no saving throws. If your HP goes below -max hp then same, dead. If you go below 1, you must make three successful saving throws before three unsuccessful ones, once per turn. Or be stabilized or healed.

I relaxed it to no instant kill, your hp would be set at minimum -max hp and start your saving throws. SheShe is allowing one saving throw at the point where damage exceeded -max hp if you pass that it counts toward your passed saving throws and you need only 2 more, but you fail you die.

I am proposing that you may want a different system all together and we should discuss it.

Vanilla D&D is harsh and TPK (total party kill) is common.

> you meet up with friens to play and your character dies so you can go home and they tell you lol come back in a few months when we got the money to revive you you cant play with us until then?

Oh, not exactly, they either let you create a new character with a new backstory and start at level 1 again or are boosted to the level of the party. No one stops playing on death unless the group doesn't want you back as a player.

> theres gotta be some limit or gameplay is ruined.

I agree. It is my #1 objective to make it fun. If dying is fun, expect to die, if not then it would have to be very delicately handled. Hence this discussion.

> dont want ro play another character

So let's come up with a fair but worthwhile solution. That makes death something very serious but not game breaking. Ashley was willing to die because she didn't mind making a whole new character, she's doing that now with SheShe's run which is odd, but that's on them. Making characters can also be fun. But not for everyone.

To me initially it was kind of like a respec but I was going to require starting again from zero EXP. 

After this thread, I now don't have a plan, so if someone dies we'll have to resolve this.

> no drama

[Ashley] I promise to try not to have any more from me.