/sunflower/ - Sunflower

Esotericism, spiritualism, occultism


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 >>/4753/
> the resonance i spoke of on sunday has been getting stronger too
Also forgot to say but yeah you are definitely stabilizing because I was able to lock on to the realm of your sisters while talking to you that day.

Wonder what will be the next milestone for you
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 >>/4757/
resonance to the name i meant, was drifting asleep as i typed up the post. that aside, You did? If you're talking about where the two girls following me around and doing things then it was some kind of temple from i can vaguely recall

 >>/4755/
Ahhh

 >>/4752/
I loosely keep up with this stuff but didn't chinks more or less buy up africa or whats going on with that. the few times its come up in conversation people are really vague about it except one kenyan guy i used to talk with
 >>/4756/
> have their female aspect physically cut away to not become women mentally
It's more akin "Locking that part" of their mind. With that a being can inhabit that. Literally disc partitioning. Permanent scar that was caused before you even formed self awareness? Perfection.
Good luck trying to connect to that part of your mind that existed before the first conscious memory you can remember.

Also I don't like talking about the whole "desert trilogy" because i should waste years studying it to be a proper expert about it and... merely reading it summons beings... And nope not angels but literal "intelligence egregores" which are about all the "thinking" people made while trying to figure out wtf am I reading.
> read about Torah on a site 
> Moses appears 
> it turns out it is a "fantasy Moses" because I cannot trace it further than the Torah writings

Also yeah the entire Bible is interpreted in such a defeatist way it's ridiculous sometimes.


I know there is power within it but it would turn into 
> read page
> mind gets mainstream interpretation
> mind gets symbolic interpretation
> mind gets bothered by translation
> I have to check up other sources to make some hunch within my mind satisfied 
> I wasted hours with a single page 
jk this wouldn't happen 
The moment I get angry some being would appear and tell me how the whole thing is shit by default and how to tap into energies if I want it. Then I would get even more mysteries to solve... My quest log is full already. Also yeah the tower of Babel is definitely misunderstood for sure.
> God was like fuck you lol
sure sounds like him. Truly the all benevolent creator.
Meaning always gets lost in translation. It's annoying. This is why Socrates hated writing even back.

 >>/4758/
> You did?
Yeah it was weird when I went through that tunnel. Dunno which temple you visited tho.
> didn't chinks more or less buy up africa
They did but it means little. Africa needs to be developed they need to pump enormous money and manpower into it. The only thing they have for them is that they are not "white people" so they don't have the "evil oppressor" painted on them. But they are still chinese so I have no idea how they will tame people who are literally the opposite of them psychologically. Not to mention they too have internal problems back in China and colonization is only possible when your homeland is stable. What they are doing is a decades long venture that can collapse the moment someone stirs up shit in Africa. 
But then again it is not important yet. The current playbook is about the USA and it's own retardation unfolding on a global scale as of now.
All else said, I think we are now beyond the end. I went outside and the moon was hidden by the clouds, causing a bright night but still clouded, and the environment felt completely empty. My Japanese teacher gave an example to explain something to me during the last lesson, where she said "maru maru" as a placeholder for a person. This came back in the form of two circles being drawn on the fate contracts of two people near me, just now. The black line of chronological time was erased by a maintenance deity and replaced by circles for each of them, because they now passed the test are also undead. I viewed the nearest area and saw another person having the same change, this indicates a mass event would have happened tonight. WW3 would have already started sometime in the 00s, but it was blocked. 

Life paths can't be changed easily however, so souls started being ripped away since, turning people into zombies. A massive purge happened in 2009 with half the incarnated souls of the planet being removed.

Some of the people associated with this board and previous incarnations of it, as well as other communities of this kind, are aware of this. Just imagine what would have caused this, if it had played out physically. Either a pandemic, a meteor, or some massive war.
 >>/4760/
> if it had played out physically

I think I experienced 3 endtimes alternate timelines in my dreams. One of them were "harvester robots" the "materialist elite victory" one was the initiation of the biblical end times and...
I think there was one more but on that I was on the astral realms already and I didn't have to see how it played out physically.
 >>/4759/
> Yeah it was weird when I went through that tunnel. Dunno which temple you visited tho.
Ohhh, you're referring the place i talked about yesterday
Idk about you, but Gensokyo just told me they'd "fix it tomorrow or during the night, you'll be surprised", and when I right after went to get a towel by the bathtub, I had the experience of entering some small novelty shop, complete with a smell of tea and spices...

I think they opened the tap to fill up the Earth with Nectar too now, (before was our bodies).
 >>/4764/
Guess I will share what I just saw then too.

A big entity that was not sentient but was made of tentacle like things and giant orbs appeared while looking at the sky to see if "anything is there".

They told me it is the "retribution soul fixer"
They told me it is "not for me".


So yeah it might be something.
But then again too many things are happening at once as usual in the last years.
> They did but it means little. Africa needs to be developed they need to pump enormous money and manpower into it. The only thing they have for them is that they are not "white people" so they don't have the "evil oppressor" painted on them. But they are still chinese so I have no idea how they will tame people who are literally the opposite of them psychologically. Not to mention they too have internal problems back in China and colonization is only possible when your homeland is stable. What they are doing is a decades long venture that can collapse the moment someone stirs up shit in Africa.
But then again it is not important yet. The current playbook is about the USA and it's own retardation unfolding on a global scale as of now.
i see, this entire thing when it comes to africa is funny
> bros africa is so primitive and low iq lololol
> le dumb niggers lolol when are they gonna develop into a real civilized society lolol
> when people keep coming in there, fucking shit up, taking shit, and is always messing with that land for some reason
> be surprised that these people are too distracted to make any form of progress or any evolutions/advances
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 >>/4770/
We're in an eco-chamber for real.

While posing the one legged Ukrainian being sent back to the mine fields on the front page, they have the stomach to place an article headlined "there are no good people in the Russian regime" above it. The only way this will work for anyone is if they're double-thinking hard. How long will they be able to maintain this? Or was there a change and they just give up and show the hypocrisy as it is?

Israel minister talking about murderers in UN, but the magic isn't working this time.
 >>/4771/
Africa is a way too complicated issue altogether and how they will develop is a question for an another age. I am not just talking about the le dumb niggers problem nor the fact that people realized it's too resourceful and the last 200 years were about a colonization race of the globe... There are metaphysical reasons Africa is the way it is. 

> people are too distracted
We are all too distracted tbh
https://youtube.com/watch?v=4K8IEzXnMYk


 >>/4772/
> The only way this will work for anyone is if they're double-thinking hard. How long will they be able to maintain this?

It makes me laugh that we needed this level of Israel Palestine for the "straw that broke the camel's back"
The current thing that is happening to the left was something I expected to happen in the last 8 years. They literally eroded every institution that they overtook while they are the political class that depends on it the most. It amazed me how long they made this whole farce last... my greatest bewilderment is that they are surprised that things are falling apart? 
 >>/4773/
> Credibility 
> USA
y-yeah that door surely hides healthy and alive people that death has a chance to kill h-haha
Also elections next year yay
Hope people will vote harder this year. That will fix the problems.
 >>/4774/
Well at least it provoked someone. I know they aren't within the Earth sphere anymore, and not even in the 3 realms, but they're still trying to cause something using projected energy attacks.

I've learned by now that anytime this happens it's marking something I need to create. A negative force only appears when something positive should be created in that area.

I guess this time it's about a complete blocker for things like this. Before I wasn't able to see or do this, but here goes, GATE. 

To be downloaded where other stuff is available, the ultimate gatekeeper. Have fun.
 >>/4775/
> it provoked someone
Seems they were jews after all. They really are animals. That's why they never registered as a threat on my radar. Incapable of reason or logic, controlled only by basic desires and twisted ideas of "revenge" against the very structure of existence.

It seems the only reason they've survived until now is that they "were here early" and gained some egregoral power position, which they abused. Remove them from that system and they're nothing.

I'm putting them to work in my newly created hell kingdom. It seems they never learned how to work when captive in Egypt, so time for a do-over.
It's easy to say "it wouldn't have to be this way" or "it wouldn't have to come to this", but when it comes down to it, it's not possible to reason with "beings" like these.

The real issue is the projection of human qualities on animals which only have some traits resembling humans.

It's subtle but those demons in the Frieren anime... they want the city to remove the barrier "for peace" but in reality they just "make sounds which imitate humans speech" in such a way that they can kill them. This is becoming more and more of a commentary on world events, but it's not the Mexicans that need to be kept out, and the barriers aren't physical walls, but mental spaces that they want to occupy.
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something... odd happened. I encountered some weird group power rangers(?) who acted like /pol/acks. it managed to be the most odd and funniest thing simultaneously, they tentatively invited me into their quarters to say or maybe have me join them (i can't remember) but basically they were complaining nonwhites and wanting them all dead (my current human body is "mixed" but for the most part i dont really allow myself to be phased by it). talking about them using their power to genocide every nonwhite or whatever tangent they were but at the same time, they weren't white either they either tanned skin or was something like a tanned elf or whatever. regardless, i recall myself laughing at how silly it is and they got super pissed off and tried to kill me but i think someone stopped(?) them or either killed them in response. it was kind of weird because as they were dying they pretty much said i don't belong on earth and will forever deserve to be alone because of my species/me being a freak that doesnt conform or feel a connection or something dumb like that, which was shit i was already aware to begin with. That aside i was a priestess again and wandered through a weird enchanted forest, it was past some boundary, seemingly. i had to collects shards of key shaped relic and was getting stalked, weird shadow people saw me and approached me but they didnt really attack me (they were annoying me honestly) then i was getting followed and harassed by a flock of crows and ravens but they didnt seem hostile... they kept following me around like i was their owner or something. i dont know if that rainbow coalition of /pol/ack power ranges was an egregore or some retards trying to mess with me
 >>/4781/
> they tentatively invited me into their quarters
> they got super pissed off and tried to kill me but i think someone stopped(?) them or either killed them in response.
Bad things happen to those who treat their guests rudely.
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 >>/4777/
> You know what that ending implies, right...?
pic related and that Meiling will sleep less on the job

 Also your ripper past is a mystery I didn't really look into because I got aware several times that our thinking processes are too different and looking into you just attracts a bunch of weirdo entities I am not even sure you are aware of. So I usually limit my abilities to look into stuff you post and figure out their workings and not your life paths because... they are confusing. And it just reminds me that I should sort out my own messes instead if I want to face this level of confusion 
Not to mention  even Fate had Jack the loli and now in Strange Fake we have an another "egregore jack" that can take any form because he is just the rumors and not the real thing and his wish is to find his "real self" because his real self killed him in the end and he wants to reconnect to it. So if Fate is on this level already then what level is the "real thing" on? 

 >>/4778/
There are too many "type" of jews it's crazy. I get less sure what is a jew as I go on. Especially energetically. I think on this board we only talked about the bird jews the reptilians that live as jews (never understood why) and vampire magic kabbalist jews. I encountered weird "jew shades" but their wish is just to "burn clean" in the light. There are ways it can be "granted".

 >>/4779/
> just "make sounds which imitate humans speech
Oh there are many entities like that. Funny guys. Shame I have a kill on sight if your "sentience" is not apparent policy. They get the message quick.

 >>/4781/
> which was shit i was already aware to begin with
Sounds like you are going through a trauma.
> i had to collects shards of key shaped relic
Hmmm. There is a chance that it is the "key" to your inner parts. Your psyche has an interesting lock mechanism but you can only unlock it after you "retake yourself". It's a sort of realizing you have free will and agency and you are not a leaf getting carried away by the wind kind of thing. 
> i was getting followed and harassed by a flock of crows and ravens but they didnt seem hostile... they kept following me around like i was their owner or something
Might be the shadow issues of you manifesting. Not feeling hostile entity interference. I think your psyche is rebuilding itself and you have to understand what you "were" and "are" and how that makes you feel. Hard to explain.
Truth is our issues usually come back either in dreams or in future interactions one way or the other and because of that it is always beneficial to fix them. 
> i don't belong on earth and will forever deserve to be alone because of my species/me being a freak that doesnt conform or feel a connection
Do you still feel this way tho? It's important because you will have to learn to connect and understand connections not just to yourself but to your enemies  Connecting to your enemy through your fists is a connection too... and looking into their eyes in a way they realize they are lucky they are still alive. It's always weird when that part of me just comes out.  Also I just realized  Subconsciously you have a tendency to go into groups that will not accept you and you turned this into a habit. You have to solve this because this will happen on the path again and you have to understand what is "acceptance". Especially understanding how you accepted your sisters and how they accepted you 
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 >>/4766/
Guess I will share what happened with this too
That being was a "carrier". While it was like a Medusa like the tritons it wasn't that. I realized it has hard time manifesting because it was see through. But it bothered me as a bug bothers you while flying around your head. So my "hands" started to try to swat away or punch it. Then I got annoyed so I brought out my "problem solver hand". With that I realized that the thing was just trying to gather enough energy to be able to "manifest it's package". Then as I found the inner parts of that "tentacle" I could load energy into it. With that it dropped a ball it carried then an another. Then the tentacles vanished and the "helmet" part of the medusa just fell to the ground like a bowl. Then the balls opened and it had weird confetti like things. Which I also energized to see wtf is this. Then it turned into a giant plant that seemed like it wants to eat me. I also noticed the "nerves" of the plant and energized it. After that I felt a weird mental clarity. 
I still have no idea what that was about. I have a new plant tho now.

Then I had the usual "personality core dream" that was my regular thoughts circulating
 >>/4783/
> spoiler
well... admitted that has been a habit for a good and slightly ramped up during the start of my college years and my first old friend group that kind started the whole thing. to attempt cutting down overexplaining it lets just it turned into a shitflinging fest between all of us and night during a conversation about how i was doing and when i was honest about what i had been doing (going to classes and playing video games on my off time). the dude basically went off on me and said i should have lied because it would have been more interesting and they wouldnt have fact checked it, im not joking these were their actual words
> "tell me, Z. What does Yumi (this is a stand-in name for me, i dont want to share the actual name i was going under at the time) without him being autistic. If it wasn't for the fact that he's autistic and ill then he would be boring and a normalfag"
> then the other person "Z" agreed
this was like uhhh my second consistent online group of "friends" during that time (first one died due to alot splintering and i was kinda getting stalked by one chick because i made sex joke about a loli character her and i happened to play in a fighting with a friend once so she and her friends had me on her shitlist). but as far as the second group went it kind turned into shitflinging on both sides, even moreso when they found out im genuinely autistic so it turned a bit more vicious with me since they'd always mess with a bit more than with each other, i also had a harder time not being a spergy/annoying, like i genuinely couldnt control or help. I still have times like that but i usually try to pause myself. But yeah whenever they messed with me alot or said things like aformentioned normie comment most of them turned out to domestic terrorist (well one of them anyways), angry pot heads, and other types. One of the potheads angry at me for something, can't remember what. So he would always sperg and talk down to me
> "Yumi is autistic and annoying but he's gonna get a rude awakening when he's without his mommy and has to be out in the real"
> saying this when i lived with my grandmother all my life and we've dealt with shitty people and events on consistent basis as i was growing up
they dubbed the group the struggle nation and would always say i had the biggest struggle of all: autism. even though i was doing alright in school and such for the most part. One time  they all verbally jumped on me and i told one of them to worry about themselves and they turned on him like a bunch pirahnas... it was eerie seeing at the time. after i certain point i said i was done with all this pointless shitflinging and ended things, the leader came and was threatening to doxx me if i didnt fight him in a fighting game, i told him no and to go ahead and try it there was also a stint where they were following me around in fighting game forums, calling me autistic and making fun of me for having a motor skill disability. I didn't respond or acknowledge them when they did this because i knew they trying to lolcow me at that point. Also i did speak to a moderator behind the scenes because i didn't was discussion to be shat due to me but said mod said its technically allowed so...
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 >>/4783/
> a mystery
https://www.jack-the-ripper-tour.com/generalnews/how-jack-the-ripper-impacted-on-society/

https://journals.openedition.org/chs/1667?lang=en

Put things in perspective a bit and you will see that this is like that Russian novel "the nose" where we are all following the weirdness of the missing nose, while the censorship of the time doesn't see that all the characters from different social classes are described in unfavorable ways.

A 9 year old girl doing this just doesn't fit any known narrative. Even when attacking someone in full view, the onlookers "didn't see it", even when attacked themselves. A man did this, there is no other possibility. Ok, we saw a girl, but a man set her up to it, so we'll tell the police what this man must have looked like. Surely he was Jewish and ugly. Maybe he was gay, and hated women. So we'll tell them that.

Also, normally there were no reported murders in Whitechapel, a small area with 80 000 people. How is this possible, it must have been very civilized. 

... very poor people with no family died daily on the streets, a priest wrote that he was thinking about moving and closing the church because he had to step over dead bodies every morning on his way to his church. 

However... the actual Jews at the hospital, medical students, were required to dissect two full bodies under supervision to get their license. If someone died in a hostel, which was a common occurrence as there were many homeless, why don't we just sell the body to the students? Why don't we but it into parts and sell them, then we get more than if selling the full body.

Anyone dying in Whitechapel will become someone's profit, and no one gets reported as murder victims. You'd have to be really fucking nasty about it to get it registered, because every, every fucking everyone will look the other way.

That's the story of Jack.
 >>/4785/
 >>/4783/
then afterwards.. it kinda just ebbed and flows most of the fighting game/"friend" groups i met during those years kind of got shitty or revealed themselves to be shitty. Some outright said they didnt respect me or consider me part of the group to begin aka "the extra guy whose just there for the ride" which was true to some extent since i didn't talk much or contributed meaningfully for a bit. a few people due to some... events had told me at the time that genuinely didn't respect me or consider me "worth shit" as they say. i found some of this out when i admittedly lashed out in self defense to someone being overly passive agressive and hostile toward me. plus it was compounded with me being veeeeerrry bad at fighting games too since they'd always give me shit for being the weakest out of everyone and having a lot of difficulties learning stuff (learning how to condition opponents, play mind games, etc. is fucking difficult for me) and it was also huge thing with people backseating me, telling me to play but doing it in the most hostile or passive agressive manner
> "oh my yumi is so ass, why can't you block"
> omg they're a free retard, why cant they do x, y, z
at a certain a point i told them to chill with it and they basically said i don't have the right to tell them to fuck off with the backseating because im too weak and never win so it'll look bad on me or something to that effect so i stopped bothering. then the last long time "group" kind of dropped me (albeit i was being a clown there) i basically commented on how activity is dead and we need to do something but the guys got mad when i remarked about it and left. One of them came up and got angry about us not being able to "read the room" even though they were the ones dodging on wanting to do things. He got heated with me in private messages and basically called me a burden to society and ended things there. I think.. that was the one time i actually felt depressed even if they weren't actually friends because that's when it made my depressive spiral and health worse with the whole
> "i don't deserve to have friends or anyone, i deserve to be alone"
but with all this rambling im trying to say is that: i guess this is all where the habit stemmed from. there was school issues with the other kids and stuff but i wont go into that here. i mentioned in passing before another aspect was that i don't fit or feel comfortable around normies (not do i want but i understand i need to deal with and communicate with them at times) but at the same i don't feel like i connect with the outcasts/degens/whatever despite being on places like the chans and technically considered an outcast too. Since on the outcast side i get met with 
> "You're not as fucked as we are, you're a normie, you're not a true outcast LIKE WE ARE because you dont hate women or are about things we're about"
I know its incredibly silly to even worry or care about such things but still
 >>/4783/
Also GATE is a servitor I created to serve as a gatekeeper, an active shield sort of. Been testing her and she does the job, that's what I meant. There won't be a sigil for this, anyone can get her in the same manner as Astra, it requires a complete absence of karma for proper installation though. The idea is someone who just eats up all attacks, then turns them into a star and uses that to counter attack. I like to interpret "jewish" magic in my own way, using the "jewish" method of reading the text exactly as it is and "jewing" the original meaning like meat on a cut-board. 

The thing is, the birds are Rosicrucian, they have other books, but they were the original Jews. Modern religion does come from Moses/the Torah, and it was in some way what kept those people alive, but it's more like a very complex system of shackles meant to keep the worst scum possible alive in a world which is in complete decay. It works, if treated like a grimoire and read this way. It's bird magic in Egypt, so that you can see the difference and not use it.
 >>/4788/
 >>/4785/
I forgot to mention this is what kind of led my heavy shitposting persona for a while and this was also the first time i actually experience what my grandmother said about people not caring about someone and stuff. I'd like to say it's different dealing with this firsthand yourself as opposed to dealing with doctors/social workers/etc. fucking us over but i'm likely just coping and its the same crap
 >>/4785/
> the dude basically went off on me and said i should have lied because it would have been more interesting and they wouldnt have fact checked it

Wanted to mention in the "Africa" conversation that this is quite the problem in society. The smart ones "nerds" that have the willingness to evolve/drive forward society always get shunned/stunted within their youth by these people. And in Africa you will realize that your only chance to "make it" is to "get out" of that community. This way only those type of people remain that can handle the retards (usually with violence) and has something "worthy" in that place. Like family culture or anything that is not found elsewhere. This is why the "brain drain" of the civilized world will take away the minimal talent that place has which is still better otherwise there is high chance the "nerd niggers" will die to their fellows retardation. This is quite the societal problem that permeates the entire globe. There is a reason why geniuses die usually alone. There is no point connecting to "these people". Most people subconsciously love to bathe in their own misery and share that with others. This is how they "connect" and they find you weird for not partaking in their retardation.

> fighting games 
k now am curious. Which?
My friend is also big on this but those games are too much effort and 0 reward for me. Like I spam like a retard get into the "zone" do retarded baiting and randomly succeed blocking and with that I use up all my mental stamina for a game that is supposed for "leisure activities". Not to mention I will not practice autistically as a "hobby". So yeah miss me with that shit I am too busy and stressed IRL for that. Not to mention fighting game communities are also in the too much effort 0 reward category again for me. So I understand you but my life always had to be planned strategically and even with that I am still at the "barely made it" part.  Tho I still want to play Marie in Skullgirls for the story when she's properly out. Fucking ESG funding ruins everything.  

> not being able to "read the room"
Usually the only thing you need to be able to read from the room is that it's time to get out of it. I too had to decide how much I want to suffer for retards.

> likely just coping and its the same crap
It sorta is but... how do I say this. This whole negative experience habit created your "autism persona" which takes up a large chunk of your mental capacities. You will have to dissolve this so new pathways can form. It's like deleting a malware/malfunctioning software that did nothing but slowed down the computer then installing the software that you wanted to use the whole time.  Also wtf do you like about fighting games if you suck at them that much. Is it a childhood memory or something? What caused an addiction that made you get into shittier and shittier communities all the time 

> you're not a true outcast LIKE WE ARE
Heh. Yeah those people exist too. Funny bunch. They usually cannibalize each other in the snowflake contest. Seen it happen many times on forums. This is why it took me for a long while to make a Facebook account. I was aware of the forum faggotry and I knew facebook is worse because you have your name and face attached too. I want to say that discord ruined everything but facebook ruined things before it even more. But then again if I want to sound like a real ancient fag I would blame the ETERNAL SEPTEMBER lol. /b/ was never good as they say.
 >>/4788/
> know its incredibly silly to even worry or care about such things but still
You will have to face this worry because it is a sort of "knot" upon your energies and you will just jump back into this pit of despair without realizing. It's shadow work as they say. It sounds silly but it is part of us. We have to face it and deal with it. We need these minor things to be solved so we can face "bigger problems"
> be me
> try to realize cosmic circuitry teaching
> see energy moving through the body in a majestic way 
> suddenly energy block
> it turns out it is a decades old childhood memory complex 
> now I have to relieve and "re"realize myself to be able to proceed further 
> I have to understand how that part was me is me and how change goes through everything because what I will realize into my being on the path would just feel "foreign" otherwise
TLDR.: Do you want to reject arcane knowledge because you are unable to deal with your silly past? The real Fool is the one that doesn't want to accept that he is the fool on the journey so instead of walking the path he comes up with excuses to stay as the fool forever.

You are progressing btw. If you can word your issues then you are going through them instead of ignoring them and solidifying into an energy block. But you have to face it to see what lies "behind" the block. Your sisters will help in this. Don't forget to talk to them...
Maybe you should talk to the crows now tho. Maybe they will lead you places in the forest. Remember the forest in Rozen Maiden in the MCs mind. Same thing but this will be a little more complex.

Also I have a hunch that your motor skill problem comes from the fact that it is locked in your weapon doll soul complex. You try to use your body as you are a mundane normie and you are not tapping into your "real skills". This way the "imitating normies" skill is not triggering because you are doing it from the wrong way. Hard to explain better. Sometimes my hands move on their own when I am in the zone but I wouldn't call myself skilled because once I move out from the zone accidents happen.
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 >>/4786/
> Put things in perspective a bit

Yeah sorry I am bad wording what I want to ask sometimes. I got that "doom and gloom" part of you and the society that you inhabited... What I don't really understand what drove you to kill and in the end what made you constantly kill yourself. 
I know you just explained that you did it for money from students... Hard to explain. It's like your different nature awakened in the wrong order or at the wrong places while you mentioned these places were the perfect ones for you to manifest. 
You have a sort of "smoke and mirrors" way of things and in the end you kill yourself? You mentioned that it resulted in your immortal astral form creating itself because of that and was thinking that the knife made you do that because you "accomplished your mission" and it was time for you to be at the "Next destination" but I am still not sure.

Yeah. Can't word my thoughts. Maybe I will try it later.
 >>/4795/
Oh we are almost at bumplimit again huh


Not to mention your revolution persona.

Thing is... Sometimes I feel their influence on some of your workings while some comes from the inspiration of other entities. For some reason I want to understand which parts come from you and where it will lead?
Like the French revolution. Monarchs got overthrown we got Napoleon... Soviets got rid of the Tsars we got Stalin... While the bloodline of rulers changed things did not evolve just political classes switched seats...
Again saying this sounds ignorant also because I am aware that these monarchies served as planetary energy blocks and they had to be removed.

Yeah I am in the big picture and my eyes constantly notice different things and I have hard time wording my confusion.

Whatever have this pic as a compensation for having to read this gibberish. Did you meet Robespierre tho? Had to write a long essay about them back in high school. I have experience at battlefields but not in city revolts. They are not "my thing".
 >>/4791/
> k now am curious. Which?
I started with blazblue back in uhhhh 2011 when i got my first ps3 and 2012 when i started going online. i had played stuff like soul calibur and king fighters years before that

> spoiler
well, as far as the fighting game part goes, i do enjoy them if i am not that good at them (when i used to play regularly anyway). there was also the whole thing i was brought up with not quitting and how giving is a sign of weakness so i tried just toughing it out even if it did take 4-5 years to see some for of improvement so it's more or less apart of the stubborness i mentioned before that i have where it's like
> "You're gonna have to kill me before i stop voluntarily stop"
type of thing, im not like that with fighting games anymore though mind you

> Not to mention fighting game communities are also in the too much effort 0 reward category again for me.
mmm.. what do you mean? my experience and things with fighting communities (when i played) was where it was just popoffs, shittalk, and being bombastic. Nowadays it's trannies, people cancel culturing each other on twitter (fuck you elon, im not calling it X) "pro players" grifting and stuff people pushing for the community to go full esports like the FPS/MOBAs with games like Street fighter V permanently fucked everything over and is the reason for things

> 2nd spoiler
Man, that game didn't deserve that much drama associated with it. if its not the whole develop coup then its them replacing the tutorial teacher with sonicfox. funnily enough the reason i haven't any fighters in 4-5 years now is because nothing appeals to me and everything i did play is dead (like blazlue) or MIA like arcana heart or somehting. Atleast under night in birth has its sequel coming next year. god seeing what happened to guilty gear though is depressing. idk, i guess it was just due all the shit i was going through in primary school and home around that time, i went through like 3 schools. 1st school had people messing with me and someone almost broke my neck, 2nd school was just shitty in general and one of the teachers came to guilt trip us about defending ourself
> "if you fight back then you're not better and will get punished even harder" im paraphrasing but you get the idea
3rd school was ehhh, admitted i was lashing out a bit due to what i went through at the prior schools plus the stuff with my sister but it turned out that... they were going to be assholes in the way and that got vindicated before AND after i lashed out. had our social studies teacher shit on me for not wanting to join on a voting exercise he wanted us do to despite him outright saying it was option to join. said exercise was a mock election between obama and romney (since that was happening for real at the time)

> Usually the only thing you need to be able to read from the room is that it's time to get out of it. I too had to decide how much I want to suffer for retards.
yeahh. that person, i was trying to be nice with them because apparently they relative had died from the kung flu and i don't really kicking someone when they're down figuratively speaking. even if they did outright side they didnt consider me "part of the crew"
 >>/4797/
> mmm.. what do you mean?
kinda this
> Nowadays it's trannies, people cancel culturing each other on twitter

> god seeing what happened to guilty gear though is depressing
K my friend is really big on Strive so if you want to rant pls share your take in this autosaging thread
I don't want to buy that game so pls give me black pills about it
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 >>/4792/
> Also I have a hunch that your motor skill problem comes from the fact that it is locked in your weapon doll soul complex. You try to use your body as you are a mundane normie and you are not tapping into your "real skills". This way the "imitating normies" skill is not triggering because you are doing it from the wrong way. Hard to explain better. Sometimes my hands move on their own when I am in the zone but I wouldn't call myself skilled because once I move out from the zone accidents happen.
well, my body doesn't really listen to my mind and vice versa so they tend to be at odds a good amount of the time.

> It sorta is but... how do I say this. This whole negative experience habit created your "autism persona" which takes up a large chunk of your mental capacities. You will have to dissolve this so new pathways can form. It's like deleting a malware/malfunctioning software that did nothing but slowed down the computer then installing the software that you wanted to use the whole time
I'm working through somewhat i guess, a good amount of things i thought i was too retarded (or well called retarded for) i can see that i can do or atleast learn about them. i hate to admit this my time dealing with all these groups and such gave me a stutter too, one that i did not have before. its even funnier when i remembered someone pointed it out in the past. that being said im trying to get rid of because i fucking hate it, i can be autistic, quiet, or whatever letting myself get afflicted with stutter actually irritates me

> Don't forget to talk to them...
I-i know..
> Maybe you should talk to the crows now tho. Maybe they will lead you places in the forest. Remember the forest in Rozen Maiden in the MCs mind. Same thing but this will be a little more complex.
i'll do it all tonight, it's easier for me to do these working during the night cause i can't really focus or partition these things properly in the day (too many distractions and family and such)
 >>/4798/
well, this is how i feel about it but mostly
> i don't like dumbed down and basic the gameplay is, compared to XRD and the older titles, GG was more known for being complex but engaging and fun
> XRD in my opinion was perfect base (having the complexity similar to what the older games had being simplified enough) even though it had its own share of issues
> visually everything looks chunky-monkey/gorilla proportioned tier like how street fight IV looked but it wasnt really as cartoony, even the visual flare of the UI elements and icons were gone and are just dull as sin
> music i like some of the songs but wish they no vocal versions
> there's also the whole thing with bridget (that trap character)
> troons were basically impersonating arc system works' emails and threatening them so bridget's story got retconned and he is canonically "trans", more or making his entire story (no matter how irrelevant it was to the greater story) useless when in the older games bridget wanted be more of man and himself
> the only actual genderfluid character is testament and thats because he was converted into a gear and went beyond gender/sex/whatever but that was something which was already established in the older games
Oh, and ASW pandering to the west but that really should go without saying
 >>/4796/
> I got that "doom and gloom" part of you and the society that you inhabited
You can't understand the mentality and logic of a place like that from the modern world view. The wine is the blood of Christ, the bread is his meat. Dying made him immortal. We eat his meat and drink his blood to become immortal. 

"I am the sun, resurrection and life"

The sun? No idea where that came from, but that's my wording. Things don't work like they do today when people have morality and TVs and indoctrination. No one back then paid taxes, only businesses did. All females were whores, as soon as they could. Killing yourself or killing someone else, it exists in a vacuum, it doesn't mean anything.

We tend to think the 1800s and before were so moralistic, but that's what was written down. Try reading some classic Japanese novels from the 1100s onwards and it's 50% porn and no one thinks it's anything. The modern idea of Victorian morals has become dominating, but in reality very few followed this stuff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1dxHyU74WE&list=PLroBLtXDO08UOLlsb-LSPh7y8-6zgmG4a&index=65

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iR8SwgfdrZk&list=PLroBLtXDO08UOLlsb-LSPh7y8-6zgmG4a&index=28
 >>/4801/
There's also this reasoning in modern days like "Do we really need the threat  of punishment after death to not kill each other? Are we no more than animals, I refuse to entertain this idea" and other nonsense. 

First off it's not that someone cares if you go to hell or not, it's a warning. Secondly, only a blind fool can't see that humans do kill each other all the time. They aren't even able to follow the old testament rule of "an eye of an eye" which is a method for proportional vengeance. They are animals, the only thing added in modern days is the dangerous idea that humans are more than that.

There is one reason I haven't physically killed someone: I haven't been in a situation where it would bring me any gain.

Whoever thinks something else is an idiot, fooling themselves. One step removed from the modern context, this is what everyone will revert to. And I don't like the modern context, because it's fake.
 >>/4802/
You can also say that you wouldn't kill yourself, but alone in the woods with no food and about to starve to death, you would think differently. Same if you're facing that situation of isolation in a different context. It's just that no one in the modern world normally experiences this. Again, one step away, all your life you walk one step from the past but you aren't seeing it.
Now add these two situations: you are alone in a mega city, it's cold, you have no money, but you see someone showing signs that they do. If you rob them they will scream and call attention to you, so you wait for them in a dark alley and quickly cut their throat instead. 

That's all there is to it. Now you have money and won't starve.
 >>/4801/
> You can't understand the mentality and logic of a place like that from the modern world view.
I am not coming from the modern world view.

> The wine is the blood of Christ
I know this is just an example to describe things but HE FUCKED THAT PART UP. WINE is about immortalizing the principle of change. Grapes rot wine doesn't. 
...
I should do a longpost about the Orphic traditions sometime. I was way  in the mystery cults back then and Jesus sorta IMPROVISED and this kinda fucked shit up. We have too many useless demons because of that for a very long time.
 >>/4729/
Like this fucking pic summons a bunch of demons that will fuck with you because people don't understand what is the holy spirit and how Jesus did his things.
> Dying made him immortal
...
It's part of the process but...
He managed to start up a scripted event for himself without realizing because he forgot what he wants to accomplish... 
Yeah am gonna sleep. That whole thing was a mess and those jews who did not accept him got fucked over metaphysically hard.
> Killing yourself or killing someone else, it exists in a vacuum, it doesn't mean anything.
You have a command within. To survive and thrive. Killing yourself is only allowed if you can convince yourself that survival is worse than death and you will be treated like shit for that. The only "good way" in suicide if you can prove killing yourself is survival.
> it doesn't mean anything
For you. And I don't understand this part of you.

> We tend to think the 1800s and before were so moralistic
In my country finding your wife cheating on you allowed you to kill her and the other person in the act. And only in the act. If you forgave your wife for that you were not allowed to kill her later on.
> it's 50% porn
Usually popular writings "survived". Spicy art always survives because there is a demand for it. Especially back then. It was a treasure.

 >>/4802/
> Are we no more than animals
ANIMALS DON'T KILL EACH OTHER FOR RETARDED REASONS EITHER. Currently "humans" kill each other for dumber reasons. And yes "modern" people are on the level of unkept factory animals. If you do things because of fear of punishment you are a slave that needs to be whipped for staying in lane.

> alone in the woods with no food and about to starve to death
I would eat bark and grasses also I have an extremely well made emergency mode for those situations.
> isolation 
HAHAHAHAHA
My powers awaken in isolation because the distraction is "gone". It happened too many times. Being lost is almost my key for "finding myself" because I have time for my priorities. But then again you mentioned your japanese past life where your vampirefu got cold so I am not on your level of experience. I always find something when I am "lost" but purposely being lost is not my thing. I am lost because I am looking for something. And getting lost is part of the process of finding things.
 >>/4803/

> you walk one step from the past
I am currently solving this problem.
How our thoughts just a mere echo in the head and not the "real thoughts" and how to use the real thoughts and not the echo in the head. It's literally acoustics. Those who play the instrument doesn't hear the instrument like the audience but the echo that bounces back from the wall. This is why there needs to be an understanding how that sound works. This is how Beethoven could compose while being deaf.
 >>/4804/
This is a situation where I would ask
> how the fuck did I get into that situation 
> is that really my only way 
Also I would knock it out then get into trouble with the gangs so my only choice is to overtake the gangs
Oh or you know get into prison because those places have free food and inmates. Or beg... Or you know trashcan with foodremains. There are too many options around. Once you lose something you are finally able to see the opportunities that were blocked by the thing that obstructed your vision.

Also as I said I see the doom and gloom differently because my current life was doom and gloom it's just the shade changed it's tint. Not to mention I have a dumb ass luck ability that turns on the moment when my life is getting too shit.
> finally figure out the "grindset"
> suddenly get lucky that makes the grindset obsolete 
Like wtf. I mean I am happy that I am out from that bad situation but... Yeah entities sorta watched over me from the get go so I am different this way.

I get what you are saying as a mundane again but in a metaphysical sense I don't. The problem is as usual that I am asking something in the wrong way.

I should sleep I managed to work up my energy body in the wrong way again.
 >>/4805/
> Killing yourself is only allowed if you can convince yourself that survival is worse than death
You are "reasoning" about it. This is not how it was. There was no belief that killing yourself was bad, just as there was no belief the killing someone else was bad. This is some advanced meta-ing that didn't exist for folks on the streets in 1880s. "Good", "bad", as some external theoretic thing, that didn't exist. I like it, it's good, I don't like it, I kill it. The church told us that whoever believes in Christ will have eternal life, so how can killing be harmful, it's nothing if we have eternal life. You are lacking the kind of purely blind and "ignorant" faith someone could have back then, and that means you also won't have eternal life and come back like a certain someone did.

 >>/4806/
> Once you lose something you are finally able to see the opportunities that were blocked by the thing that obstructed your vision.
Now imagine not having that things to start with.

> This is a situation where I would ask
>  >how the fuck did I get into that situation
>  >is that really my only way
This is again meta-ing which doesn't exist in that situation. You grew up as a orphan with food served by nuns, rest of the time you do whatever in the streets outside. No family, no one who cares about your future, at most someone who wants to abuse you, or is willing to pay you for some service. The thing you have is some religious lecturing at the church, and that's it, you're on your own. How did you get there? You were born. Absolutely no one will miss you if you died, and no one will be disappointed in you if you do something "wrong", but there isn't anyone who will tell you about these things, so whatever morality the nuns had in mind passes completely over your head. Then when you're 7 you're considered grown up enough and have to fend for yourself. That's the context.
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 >>/4809/
Now today there is metaing, and I have it too, but I don't believe in it much. 

This mind is little more than a broken mirror reflecting one small image in every shard, the same image in many difference sizes and slightly different perspectives. But I know the reality is just one image, and it's the reverse of the image I currently see.

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