Thing I saw on 4chan with no source, but I believe it.
> Coffee (both caffeinated and decaf) increases masturbation behavior leading to risk of Cynosis
> Tests were conducted on adults ranging from 18 - 26
> Each subject was given 3 cups of coffee per day 7 days a week
> Other symptoms include: Headache, nausea, vomiting, Munchausen syndrome, and Acute Hygienic Arrest
> Subject showed signs of perverted behavior, laziness, and weight gain within the span of 1 - 3 months