Honestly, I expected the worst. The feeling is almost one-to-one with the fact that I poured drops into the nose (I have been sitting on vasodilator drops tightly for 5 years), only stings and is a little more unpleasant. Banging full, in my opinion, I leaned back in the position of "carcass half-lying" on the pillow and began to wait for something, listening to music.
Something came gently and imperceptibly, in the sense of three minutes. You know, in hospitals, there's gluten for procedures. Transparent polymer stuff. This is the very first unusual thing that I felt (besides a pinching nose and a slight tachycardia) - as if they put a small glue on my chest, and also a cold bitch, could not warm up? The association fucks, but it conveys the feeling as much as possible in that moment.
I'm thinking, "Okay, that's cool, glue." And then what? Is this supposed to happen? These were, I suppose, my last "old" thoughts. Then came the me-I-I-I-I-I-I-I went into something new.
First of all, it was fun to keep your eyes closed. Well, like, I haven't seen anything like that, no hallucinations, nothing, just darkness. But with my eyes closed, it was more fun. No, not even like that. It was funny the moment you keep your eyes closed, then you open it for a while, you see those yellow lights from the fucking garland of fucking galamart that's hanging around my room that looked like little stars, and you close it back.
Secondly, I was trying hard to catch some kind of high in music, because I was told that the music had to be something fucking unusual and high. At first, there was nothing unusual, except that it seemed to have a little bit of ears.
Thirdly, I felt the effects of anesthesia. Well, after all, it's anesthesia initially, as far as I know. Cold at the tips of the fingers and toes, reduced sensitivity of the lips, everything.
And then somehow, unnoticed, everything went even further. The main thing I remember is rubbing your head against your pillow. Well, you're that kind of tossing around, and you're like, like, like, like, like, you know, you're like, like, like, like, like, like, that metallic high dick, you're just scratching your head.
At that moment I realized that I no longer felt any shaking, fear, anxiety, or pain. I just love it. It's kind of funny, it's really hard to describe.
You seem to be purely analytically aware of negative thoughts, but they have absolutely no meaning at all. It's just a dick in the background trying to do, but you get the most dick.
At that moment I still remember clearly my astonished feeling and thoughts that “But normal people probably feel that way.” For the first time in 10-15 years, I don't feel any more shaking. I'm so calm right now. Is this how normal people feel? It's sad to remember that, actually.
Then I began to feel my thoughts slowly start to start. Again, extremely difficult to describe. It is as if two fireworks were colliding in the sky. Many, many little lights intersecting with each other. It is very difficult to express this in the text - intertwined thoughts, images that flow smoothly into each other, completely without conflict and absolutely without any problems. Of course not. At that moment, I felt something strange, a kind of dialogue:
- Fucking fun.
- Who's that talking?
- Does it matter?
- Where am I?
- And me?
From this long dialogue with myself, I got a bit of perplexity, and returned to music.