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Writefags, untie!

Remember to use commas good it can save a life lets eat grandma.

 I sometimes get around to critiquing other's writing, so in the interest of "build it & they will come" I'm putting up a writer's thread, #1/? because Celly knows how fast these threads autosage.

Allow me to start it off with an outline I've never converted into a story. Part of it is because it would require a lot of mental effort I didn't have to devote to the topic -- and partly, when on IRC or the like and suggested it, was met with revulsion at human/pony interactions.
&ltPP-shrug.jpeg>

https://docs.google.com/document/d/18qSQnKKRegOVns-gSNwLkEDH9IH6ZDnPcslrzGvdpTk/edit?usp=sharing

What would you like to talk about, on the topic of writing? I'll try to actually answer it!
This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.

Attributed to Gary Provost
Someone just told me that greentext (their first exposure) prevented the reader from connecting with the characters.

As a writer (and avide reader of only-) character driven, 1st-person POV works, this friend "couldn't do" greentext.

Another friend said it gives them a headache.
> Be me

> Be 17yo girl


"Well, I'm neither" they would reply
And stop reading because it made their head hurt too much.

What do you say in response to someone who "wants to connect with the characters" ?

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