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I just ended a longtime friendship by saying something I'm going to regret the rest of my life.
Background: this former friend of mine (I'll just call him Brian) has been trying to help an autistic man (I'll call him Smith; I don't know if ASD1, 2, or 3) by letting Smith live with him but also having him "earn his keep" around the house (I never asked for specifics) who has fallen on hard times and and Brian has asked me about autism and working with Smith before (if it matters: I'm a 40-yo male and only got diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder barely a decade ago, as well as treatment-resistant major depressive disorder, was considered manic-depressive bipolar but not anymore, and I'm currently seeing a trauma specialist [I'm just going through the motions, really, I've run out of hope and running out of copes] as my former autism specialist told me she's not trained enough to help me anymore) as he (of course) has had plenty of troubles talking with the autistic man, misunderstandings and all the usual jazz when pretty much everyone with no experience with autistic people tries to relate with one of us. (As far as I know, Brian's only diagnosed with PTSD from being a war veteran and lives off Social Security Disability, and has tried to commit suicide at least once.)
Anyway, a bit ago, Brian texted me telling me he's thinking of "firing" the autistic person due to all the fights they keep having, not understanding social contexts, and so on. And while I said a few other things, one thing which seemed to piss Brian off was that "it'd be best for both of you to hand him off to someone else". Brian told me I was being derogatory and that this man is not a child and he'd been living mostly independently until a few years ago. I don't like being moralized to, especially about autism (it's like "you're not my people, stfu") and also I've unrelatedly been in a real dark place for weeks, maybe months now where my shame at existing as an autistic person as well as feeling ugly and stupid and profoundly lonely and craving female acceptance (I've never even had my first kiss) yadah yadah has been growing acutely painful, so I basically projected a lot of my own self-hatred in a flurry of snide remarks as followup. (I deleted the conversation right after I had blocked Brian in a rage and I don't even remember most of what I said.) The final parting shot though is still crystal clear in my mind:
"He's autistic, he's barely even human. I would know. If you REALLY want to help him, put a bullet in his face. With his dying breath he'll probably thank you for releasing him from the horrors of feeling like a soulless abomination his every waking moment. Wish someone would do the same favor for me, I'm too much of a coward to do it myself."